


Secret Keepers

by PeachesxAndxTea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eventual Smut, F/M, Humor, Letters, M/M, Magic, Multi, PTSD, sevmione - Freeform, snamione, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-09-29 10:32:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17201849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachesxAndxTea/pseuds/PeachesxAndxTea
Summary: Described as being an ‘empty-shell’ by her peers, everyone watches helplessly as Hermione slips through the cracks as she grows gaunt and transforms into an unrecognizable person by the time she returns to Hogwarts to complete her final year of education.Although she may not be the only one who has changed since the war, everything alters when Hermione discovers true loyalty from a former enemy, freedom in anonymity and grows to accept an unusual friendship with a snarky potions master, Professor Snape.peachesxandxtea.tumblr.com**Update when I can - pregnant AF and trying to get things ready for baby**





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> _Phillip Wesley-Dark Night of the Soul_
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> _Okay, so I was updating a chapter on this story and there was duplicates of drafts that I was trying to delete......I ended up deleting this whole bloody story instead of deleting a draft. Technology and I are incompatible. Any ways, I will be adding all the chapters. *painfully sighs* The silver lining in all of this is that I had it saved on another site and there is only five chapters. I will be updating once to twice a week!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to check out my tumblr:
> 
> **_peachesxandtea.tumblr.com_** -related posts based on this fanfiction and updates. Not to mention that there will be sneak peeks for the chapters that are to come.

Hermione sighed as she slumped into an oversized chair stirring circles in her tea with a tarnished silver spoon as she sat quietly, listening to the chimes pierce the stifling silence. She watched them sway outside her window as she acknowledged how the sound complimented the warm scent of the chai tea. She let her mind drift to the decision she made to go back to Hogwarts. Tomorrow around the same time, she would be in the Gryffindor tower preparing to face the year that laid before her.

Hogwarts had closed down for a year due to the loss of staff and damages done to the castle from the war. She knew nothing was going to be normal when she walked through those doors. There also would be no Harry or Ron for her to babysit since they would be doing Auror training instead of completing their education, but at least she would be in the same class as Ginny. Hermiones’ lips twitched into a smile knowing that Ginny was diligent at doing her own homework and managing her own studies. 

 

Hermione spent her whole life engulfed in education, grasping at every opportune time to enlighten herself, and nothing went beyond her reach that she could not learn. Yet, she couldn’t figure out what to do after she had graduated. Letting out a light sigh, Hermione took a small sip of the spicy beverage as she began to reflect upon her year. 

 

She had been staying over at the Burrow that year doing odd jobs here and there to help save up some money after her final year at Hogwarts. At least then, she wouldn’t have to rely on anyone or overstay her welcome at the Burrow once she was no longer living under the roof of Hogwarts. Studying, reading and working was the only revolving factors that helped her cope with the desolation she felt. As for everyone else, they all were recovering from the war in their own way. In more ways than one, the golden trio grew apart. There was something unspoken between everyone, perhaps it was sorrow, anguish, confusion or loss. Maybe a bit of everything or maybe not. Harry and Ron barely kept in touch due to their busy schedule training, though the times they wrote they did not say much. Mostly small talk and small tidbits of information they could share. She had not held it against them, no, if anything she encouraged them to live the life they have always wanted. Especially Harry. Harry could finally live a life he deserved and with that thought, it made Hermione swell up with pride for her best friend. Even Ginny and Harry were courting and seeing them both together gave her enough assurance that everything for Harry would be fine. 

Images of the war branded themselves into Hermiones’ mind. The mere thought war made Hermione flinched as the memories began to pour themselves into her brain. Hermione recalled the shattering memory of the Potions Master slumped up against the glass wall of the shrieking shack as he bled out. Hermione clenched her jaws tightly and slapped her eyes shut as her mind replayed the sound of his body being slammed into the thin walls as Nagini bit into his flesh repeatedly. She never thought he would pull through from the attack and even after he survived long enough to make it to the hospital wing at Hogwarts she stayed by his side to ease her worry that he wouldn't make it. She wasn’t exactly sure why she found herself constantly sitting at his bedside watching the rising and falling of his chest as she silently read. Perhaps it was the lack of visitors or the mere fact that she had to be there for her own peace of mind. He had her respect after everything he had done for Harry. She remembered reading to him, though she grew disturbed at the thought he could wake up any moment and call her insufferable or say something to shatter her fragile state of mind. Perhaps her insecurities got the best of her, but little did she know that the times she read out loud he could hear her read from time to time. It was the times she read that he could pull through his slumber. 

* * *

 

Not long after Snape was getting regular visitors he made a mental note that Miss Granger didn’t show up as often anymore. Though it was cordial of her to visit, he wasn’t phased that the know-it-all didn’t visit often. He didn’t want pity nor did he want people to feel obligated to view him differently. What Severus Snape wanted was peace after he had faithfully protected Lilys’ son to the best of his ability. It rather annoyed him that the secret got out that he was one of Dumbledores’ spy, yet at the same time, it was a relief that it was all finished. He knew that the ministry was going to be meddlesome once he woke up from his gods-forsaken coma. Whenever that would be.

Snapes’ thoughts strangled him as he listened to the commotion going on around him as he drifted in and out of consciousness. The only visitors who seemed to visit him were some of his Slytherins, his godson, and Minerva. Potter visited eventually, though it made Snape inwardly cringe as Potter knew too much about him. Of course, the bloody Gryffindor had spilled all his secrets to the ministry to save him from Azkaban. Snape then thought bitterly about how he was ripped from the tranquil hands of death and dragged back into the land of the living by a prying know-it-all. _‘Gryffindors and their morals,’_ Snape mocked. If he had died, he wouldn’t have to put up with all of this unnecessary nonsense.  Unlike the Granger girl, no one talked to him or stayed too long, which he couldn’t care less if they stayed or went, anyone who visited him sent him into a foul mood. Though when the Gryffindors’ little princess visited, he noted she would read to him more. Sometimes she would apologize if the reading material was not interesting, but she didn’t seem to care otherwise. Until one day, Miss Granger was in a talking mood.

She told him about her sister Thalia; her sister who was ten years younger than Miss Granger. “No one knows I have a sister, she was only a year old when I started to attend Hogwarts,” Miss Granger rambled on as Snape inwardly rolled his eyes, tuning her out as she began to talk more about this sister of hers. Gods, the thought of two know-it-alls made him physically sick.

“I didn’t have much of a choice, I had to make that sacrifice. For them at least,” Hermione continued. “It was the only way I knew they would be safe,” Snapes mind snapped back to his former student as he grew quiet to ponder what she meant when she said that.    
“They  _‘moved’_  to Australia, which is where mum grew up as a child before moving back to London,” Hermione said in almost a whisper. “Mum always talked about moving back to Australia and opening up her own dental clinic. One could simply say that I gave them an opportunity,” He could hear the smug smile on her face as she let out a small snort. “It was that or get killed by Voldemort and his followers,” Hermione said casually as she waited for a few long moments before she spoke again. Snapes' chest tightened as she said that name so effortlessly. 

“I’ll never get to see them again, well I can, but they won’t know who I am. I will just be another face, a stranger to all of them,” Miss Granger sighed. “I suppose such is life,” she stated before she got up from the chair that was beside his bed. “Hope you wake up soon Professor, take care, sir,” Hermione let out a heavy breath while she grabbed her things and left Snape alone with his thoughts once more. 

The Granger girl didn’t visit him after that  _‘conversation’_ , and even though he still had his regular visitors, he became more appreciative of being read to then laying in silence as one stared at his vegetable-like state. It soured his day every time he heard someone sit in the creaky chair beside his bed. Of course, the only exception was Minerva. She didn’t have to say much to know what she wanted to say on her daily visits. She simply would give his hand a squeeze from time to time and tucked him in before she left. He would have to remind her when he woke up that he did not need to be coddled. 

Time soon began to tie into itself as days bled into each other as he continued to float in and out of reality. Till one day he heard a familiar voice talking in the background to Poppy. He listened to the footsteps approach as he could visualize his former frizzy-haired student wonder up to his bedside.

“He should wake up any day now.” He heard Poppy say as she stood at the foot of his bed.

“That’s a relief,” Miss Granger smiled as she sat down beside him. He could only guess that she brought a book to read to him or would continue to give him her life story again. 

“If you notice any movement, just be sure to come get me,” He heard Poppy’s feet shuffle away as he laid there listening.

“I suppose this will be my last visit then Professor,” the girl muttered. He could feel himself roll his eyes.   
_‘No one told you that you had to visit,’_  
“I highly doubt you would appreciate my company once you are conscious,” Hermione verbally poked as she switched the subject.   
“I’ve been doing some reading,” she continued.  _‘Why am I not surprised?’_  
“I highly doubt you have found yourself drawn to muggle literature,” She smiled.   
“But, I thought perhaps you may find appreciation for this one. It’s the only thing tha-” her voice cracked. She took in a shaky breath and shook her head in disbelief of her emotional state. It was around that time that Hermione broke it off with Ron, she had been a tad bit emotional that day, not to mention that the war only happened a few months ago. Minutes crawled by as she composed herself before she could bring herself to read. Words began to roll off her tongue as she let herself drift from her emotions as her focus was on her proposed mission. 

 

>   
>  Out of the night that covers me,  
>  Black as the pit from pole to pole,  
>  I thank whatever gods may be  
>  For my unconquerable soul.  
>  In the fell clutch of circumstance  
>  I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
>  Under the bludgeonings of chance  
>  My head is bloody, but unbowed.  
>  Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
>  Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
>  And yet the menace of the years  
>  Finds and shall find me unafraid.  
>  It matters not how strait the gate,  
>  How charged with punishments the scroll,  
>  I am the master of my fate,  
>  I am the captain of my soul.  
>  -William Ernest Henley

She sniffed and whisked away the tears that escaped her eyes while scoffing at her emotional state once more. Snapping the book shut, he listened to her rustling in her bag once more. She sat for a few moments before she spoke again.

“I guess I should leave you to your own devices,” the girl muttered under her breath. He heard the chair move and listened for footsteps to walk away, but was surprised when he felt her hair dust his cheek. She smelled of lavender, lemongrass and a hint of honey. He hadn’t expected her to be so close to his person that it almost startled him when she began to whisper in his ear. 

“Severus,” His finger twitched as the hair on his arms stood up. She laughed under her breath at the mentioning of saying his first name.  
“I know to address you in that manner would be a week worth of detention,” she let out another quiet snort. “I suppose you will never know, it will be our little secret,” she teased. 

“But, if you must know Severus,” She continued.  
“You are one of the bravest men I have ever known,” She drew another breath before she then moved her face towards his and planted a kiss on his forehead. He felt drops of tears falling onto his face and the warmth of her body radiating off of her as she leaned over him. She pulled away and sniffed again.

“Oops,” he heard her sniffle as she brushed her thumb softly across his cheeks to wipe her tears off of him.   
“I’m not even sure why I’m even talking to you, it’s not as if you will recall any of this,” She then gave his hand a gentle squeeze with a thoughtful gaze on her face. “Perhaps that’s the point of all of this,” She smiled again shaking her head as she looked away. She argued with herself once more as he waited for her to continue, but instead, she placed his hand gently onto his stomach as she carefully brushed the hairs from his face and tucked it behind his ear.   
“I wish you nothing but happiness, Professor Snape,” she spoke as she stood up and gathered her belongings before she began to walked away.

 

Snape couldn’t remember a time anyone had ever touched him or spoken to him that way. Not since..No... No one ever dared to do so. No one in their right mind would want to. He thought carefully as he considered himself to be nonetheless repulsive. Though he knew she would never be so bold to speak to him in such a way if he were awake, what irritated Snape more is that something tugged at him a certain way to hear a _bold_ sniffling Gryffindor sitting beside him as she read poetry to him to help pass the time. War was still fresh, and surely she would bounce back after some time had passed. That is what Snape had concluded that day as he laid in his cot waiting for his body to slowly emerge out of his coma. 

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Hermione fondled the memory of Professor Snape as she finished her cup of tea. She wondered how he was doing now that the war was over. Was he still going to teach? With a shrug, she glanced down at her forearm and put the empty cup on the side table as she traced the scaring of the word ‘Mudblood’ engraved into her porcelain skin. She remembered the pain; she remembered how the essence of her existence was rather once frowned upon. She knew that it still was to others, which still somehow sent electricity throughout her entire body at the thought. The thought of being seen as undeserving because of her blood status rattled her mind. With a slow breath out the nose, she knew she would have to accept that there would be awful memories at Hogwarts, and it would be empty without Ron and Harry. She smoothed out her wild hair and looked across the room to see Crookshank sprawled across the bed. Letting out a terrible big yawn, Hermione she dragged her feet to bed. Tomorrow she was going to Hogwarts, and it almost frightened her of the year she would have to face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> **I am new to writing. I just started writing fanfiction not to long ago. I am open for ideas and input! I am not sure if it is manditory to say this but this is 100% fanfiction & I do not own the Potter World!**  
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> Also know that I was interested in the idea when J.K mentioned that Hermione had a sibling.. though she felt it was too late to mention them in the books. I decided to write it in this story...  
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> I am terribly sorry if this story has already been done, I am more doing it for me more than anything else. It is extremely therapeutic for me at the moment. To make this more personal (Author to Reader - heart to heart) I recently got diagnosed with PTSD and have been on Short Term Disability so this is what is helping for now. I struggle with mental illness and writing has always been a way for me to cope. Not to mention that I really, really want to improve in writing. Therefore, because I am partially human, feel free to correct, to bash, or to voice your opinion. You are entitled, just like myself! I like knowing what and how I can improve to become a better writer. Please also note that I am open for any ideas and input. Also know that I am beginning to go back and edit chapters, as my writing improves I will be sure to make sure to go back and update what I can. Nothing to the story that has already been mentioned will be taken away. 
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> *Also note that the poem that I shared in this chapter is not mine - it belongs to the works of William Ernest Henley. The poem hits me in the feels. If you have any poetry or have any references that I can use further on in this than please share!  
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> Thank you for reading and enjoy the ride.
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> PeachesxAndxTea


	2. Lifeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mad World-Tears for Fears -Jasmine Thompson Cover_
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> _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXtj4TkTvS4_
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> _Mad World song lyrics_
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> All around me are familiar faces  
> Worn out places, worn out faces  
> Bright and early for their daily races  
> Going nowhere, going nowhere  
> Their tears are filling up their glasses  
> No expression, no expression  
> Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow  
> No tomorrow, no tomorrow
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>> And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad  
> The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
> I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take  
> When people run in circles it's a very very  
> Mad world, mad world
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>> Children waiting for the day, they feel good  
> Happy birthday, happy birthday  
> Made to feel the way that every child should  
> Sit and listen, sit and listen  
> Went to school and I was very nervous  
> No one knew me, no one knew me  
> Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson  
> Look right through me, look right through me
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>> And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad  
> The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
> I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take  
> When people run in circles it's a very very  
> Mad world, mad world  
> Enlarge your world  
> Mad world  
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After the prefect meeting on the train, Hermione sat alone on the train the following afternoon. She stared out the window for half of the trip before she cracked open a textbook and studied charms. Hermione was unphased with time as she hadn't noticed that the train had ceased moving and that they had arrived at their destination. That is until someone suddenly tapped on the glass. She snapped her head up to find Draco giving her a fraction of a smile before he walked away. _'Strange,'_ She thought to herself as she burnt holes in the back of Draco's head with her eyes.

She followed the crowd of young witches and wizards as they made their way to the castle. Soon everyone was sitting in the hall waiting for the first years to be sorted into their houses. Hermione lolled in her chair as she studied her familiar surroundings. Her eyes curiously peered up at the head table where she saw McGonagall in her new headmistress chair. She investigated further as her eyes landed on Snape. He carried his usual placid expression as his eyes skimmed the sea of students, until he shifted his head towards her direction and met eye contact with her. She had hardly noticed the dark onyx eyes that bore into her lifeless amber eyes. There was a time where Hermione would have immediately looked away. Instead, Hermione blinked twice before she casually pulled her eyes away to examine the other teachers at the table. She was glad he was well and was back to teaching.

"-ermione! Can you even hear me?" Hermione flipped her attention to her side and looked at Ginnys' face.

"I thought I lost you for a moment," Ginny smirked as she elbowed Hermione. Hermione gave Ginny a half smile as she pushed food around on her plate. Ginny shook her head with disapproval as she watched Hermione for a moment before she dug into her food. 

Later that night, she showed the first years around. She made sure everyone was off to bed before she roamed the halls to make sure no students were out after curfew. She was a prefect after all and it was her job. As she finished up the last bit of duties, she was approaching Professor Snape. He didn't even look at her, he wore his usual scowl, not showing her any interest or consideration of her existence. Hermione didn't mind, if she had it her way, she would be invisible.

Later that night as she twisted and turned in her bed, Hermoine played with the memory of sitting beside Professor Snape when he was in the medical wing. She remembered calling him by his first name and how he knew nothing about it. She blushed at the memory of kissing him on the forehead and how she held his hand. She kissed the greasy dungeon bat, she held his hand, she talked to him, cried infront of him and managed to share a side of herself that no one had witnessed after the war. She moved from one sleeping position to the next till Crookshanks huffed in annoyance of her restlessness and jumped off the bed to sleep somewhere else. Hermione still lost in thought, remembered how she read to him that poem and she knew that if he was awake, he would have rolled his eyes at her. She scoffed at the bitter man. Everyone was terrified of him, even though he was a war-hero. No one dared to look him in the eyes or get on his bad side. She used to be one of those people, but now. . . she didn't give a damn anymore. She felt nothing. She felt numb. She felt exhausted. It was four AM before till she drifted off to sleep, only a few of hours before she would have to get up and attend class. 

Ginny didn't want to give up on her best friend but she didn't know what to do. Hermione wouldn't talk to her. She has just about had enough of her friends' newfound miserable attitude. Ginny hoped that Hogwarts would bring back the old Hermione Granger. She was clearly wrong. Harry, Ron, and Ginny came up with a brilliant idea, though she wasn't sure if it would work. They didn't have much of a choice, she was at her breaking point with Hermione. At first, everyone shrugged at her new change in behavior. She didn't even fuss over Ron anymore when he talked with his mouth full, nor did she give her opinion on many things anymore unless someone asked her. A small part of her hoped that maybe once Hermione was back in class, Hermione would start being her old self again. 

 

"Hermione, you will be late for our first class! You already missed breakfast!" Ginny threw a pillow at the frizzy-haired girl. Ginny pulled off the blankets as Hermiones' eyes grew wide as she threw herself out of bed and got ready. It was a matter of minutes before she ripped herself out of the dorms to her first class, which was potions. Ginny rolled her eyes at Hermione as she watched the whole scene As they walked into the dungeons Ginny turned to Hermione and gave her a weak smile.

"I'm going to sit with some of my friends today," 

 

Hermione just shrugged and found her own seat and prepped for the class. She got out her parchment, her potions book, and her quill. She sat near the back of the classroom by herself. She was pleased that she didn't have to work with anyone, meaning she didn't have to worry about the person next to her blowing themselves up. She smirked to herself, knowing her predicament was a blessing in disguise. Soon the doors to the classroom swung open as Professor Snape swiftly walked into the dungeons as his black robes flowed behind him. He carried the usual sneer on his face as he turned around to face the class. Everyone was silent as he raked his eyes across the body of students, leaving a trail of students sitting uncomfortably in their seats.

 

He began to drill his students with last years curriculum, docking points as he pleased. He expected Miss. Granger to fall out her seat to grab his attention to answer but instead, she listened intensively to her classmates around her. Raising the occasional eyebrow at her classmates' wrong answers. Professor Snape scoffed.

 _'What a know it all'_ he thought to himself.

He then found himself wondering why he cared about the spoiled Griffyndor Princess' behavior. He scorned himself, he didn't give a rats ass about the girl, he was simply observing. He lesisurely walked the middle aisle between desks as he proceeded to drill his students from last years curriculum. Though, just merely out of curiosity if Miss Granger would answer, he continued to walk around the room testing the knowledge of his dunderhead students. He finally glowered at the girl as his eyes met hers.

"And tell me, what are the ingredients for the Volubilis Potion?" His monotone voice drawled. Her blank expression pierced his eyes as he sneered at her before he dragged his eyes across the dungeon. No one raised their hands and soon he was standing behind the Granger girl. The classroom was so quiet you could hear a fly fart.

"No one?" he said silkily.

"What about _Miss. Granger_ hmm? Surely, the insufferable know-it-all Gryffindor Princess knows something" He hissed. His words flickered in her ear like a snakes tongue, it was nothing but a tickle. He narrowed his eyes over the girl's shoulder and looked at her parchment paper. She had written down every damn answer to his questions. He could feel his blood stirring as his face twisted. Hermione swore she could hear a growl escape his throat. The girl turned her head slightly and spoke.

"Honeywater, mint sprigs, stewed mandrake and syrup of hellebore." her voice was quiet.

"And tell me, Miss. Granger, how many colors does this potion change before it turns into its true color?" Professor Snape was now beside her looking at the front of the room waiting for an answer.

"Ten, its true color is a bright golden yellow" She met his eyes before he asked another question. Hermione felt slightly annoyed at the fact that Professor Snape was picking on her. There was absolutely no winning with this man. She clenched her jaws as she pulled her eyes off of him and onto her parchment paper.

"And do tell us, the process of the color changes Miss Granger." he sneered as he cocked his eyebrows and tilted his head to one side of his head. The surrounding students were sitting at the edge of their seats, feeling incredibly sorry for Hermione. 

 

"Firstly, one has to heat the basic mix until it turns dark red, then wait till the mixture turns green. Once the potion is green, you add honeywater till the substance turns light pink. Then you heat the mixture until it turns orange, then you add the mint sprigs and wait for the potion to turn green. Once the potion is heated a bit more, it will change into a navy blue. One keeps adding the remainder of the mint sprigs one at a time until the potion has changed to magenta. Stewed Mandrake is then added to the mix before it turns into the color orange. Add a small amount of syrup of hellebore and the potion will turn blue. One simply needs to continue heating the potion until it is blood red and after some more time the potion will turn into a brilliant yellow. One will know that it is finished when the potion releases sparks." 

 

Professor Snape sneered at the girl once again before he walked to the front of the room. He began lecturing the class on the potions they will be learning this year as he started to give the class a list of chapters he wanted them to read before their next class. He also made it clear that he expected a three-foot essay based on the ingredients and potions based on those chapters. Everyone inwardly groaned as they began to pull out their textbooks and papers. Professor Snape sat down at his desk as he watched his students work. He caught Miss Weasley looking over her back towards the Granger girl.

"Eyes up front, Miss Weasley." Professor Snape barked. The girl jumped at her name and glued her eyes to her textbook.

Ginny flared her nostrils at the greasy git. _He is such an ass._ She knew that deep down Professor Snape had noticed Hermiones strange behaviour as well, but he didn't have to pick on her. Ginny had a plan, and she hoped to Merlin it would work.


	3. Desperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _River Flows in You - Yiruma (Cover by Daniel Jang)_
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> https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=46&v=hS-LQTcu2mw

Hermione sat on the floor by the fireplace as she jot down notes for her essay that was due for the next potions class. Ginny walked in and sat on the chair and observed Hermione. Hermione didn't even look up or acknowledge Ginny, instead, she sat silently in her own thoughts. She preferred seclusion of being alone ever since the war.

"How is your essay going?" Ginny broke the crackling silence between them.

 

"Fine," Hermione muttered as she flipped through her textbook.

 

"That was some show in potions today, huh?" Ginny was pulling at threads, grasping at any means to continue the conversation. She didn't see Hermione at lunch and the girl said nothing at supper. She barely touched her food before she went back to the house. Hermione nodded in acknowledgment. Ginny's eyebrows flickered as she clenched her jaws at Hermione. She knew she couldn't be mad at her. Everything Hermione saw, Ginny saw. Ginny lost her brothers, and she had Ron and Harry to help her get through her mourning. Hermione was supportive and would stay up at night with her, holding her as Ginny cried herself to sleep. She knew Hermione cared; but she also knew this was a mask, a way to protect herself from getting hurt again. Ginny wasn't buying her bullshit.

"We're worried about 'Mione" the girl blurted.

"Even Professor Snape noticed you weren't your usual self, and he's a git!" She narrowed her eyes towards Hermione. Usually Hermione would defend Professor Snape but of course, she just shrugged and continued to jot down notes from her textbook. 

 

"Hermione!" Ginny raised her voice to grab her attention from her homework. Hermione sighed and looked up at Ginny. 

 

"I'm just tired." 

 

Ginny scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm just tired! I'm fine! Don't worry about it! It' just stress! I'm just having one of those days! Merlin Hermione, we're not bloody idiots!" Ginny threw her hands up in the air as she began to pace the room. 

 

"You don't smile Hermione, you look gaunt and skinny, you barely eat, you have night terrors, you won't talk to anyone, not to mention that you won't even talk to me! Me! Your best friend! We all went through the war together. You need to talk to someone!" Ginny's eyebrows knitted together as she folded her arms and stood in front of Hermione. 

 

"Ginny, it's fine. I'm okay. It's just a little stress." Hermione could see that Ginny was getting worked up. But Ginny knew what Hermione was doing, trying to shrug everything off like nothing she said was true. Ginny threw her head back began to laugh hysterically. Hermione knew she would not be getting out of this one. 

 

"You know, I think you have lied to us for so long now you believe the lies yourself!" Ginny shook her finger at Hermione. Hermione didn't say it but Ginny's mother was coming out and it was a frightful sight. 

"Ginn-"

"No." Ginny cut her off. "I talk. My turn to speak. You listen to me." her voice was now quiet and tears trickled down her cheek.

"I lost my brothers, I will not lose you too. I can't have this empty shell of my best friend. I'm not just going to stand by as you-you waste away in front of me!" Ginny wiped the snot dripping from her nose with her sleeve as she sniffled.

"You do not understand what it's like to watch the brightest witch's smolder into darkness" Ginny shook fiercely. Hermione felt her eyes water as she listened. She had no idea she was hurting Ginny. Hermione could feel guilt sinkings its teeth into her soul, her heart felt heavier and felt more sorrowful. She was dragging everyone down with her. How awful and selfish she must really be. A tear escaped her eyes as Hermione looked away and watched the fire dance. Discretely whisking her tear away. She would have to try a little harder to make sure she wasn't hurting anyone. 

"I miss you," Ginny confessed as she stared at Hermione. Emotionless Hermione. The outer shell of her friend. Here she was pouring her heart out to her friend and she just sat there with a blank expression. She had to be in there somewhere. She had to be.

"We miss you." She continued. 

 

"So we have come up with a plan to help you." Ginny weakly smiled as Hermione looked at Ginny. She then dug through her bag and pulled out two similar looking journals. She handed them over to Hermione. Both of the journals were the same. The journals had soft midnight black leather, they also contained a metal latch to keep the journals closed. 

 

"These aren't just any ordinary journals." Ginny raised an eyebrow with a devious smile. 

 

Hermione had a flicker of interest as she looked at the journals in her hand. She knew what they were. The journals were charmed so one could write in the journal and whoever had the other journal could see what the other person wrote. 

 

"I don't care who you give the other journal too, or if you send it halfway across the world in that case. You need to talk to someone even if it is a complete stranger."

 

Hermione raised an eyebrow as she watched Ginny sit down on the chair. "You don't even have to tell them who you are, you can even put an age restriction charm on the journals if you want to. Just promise me, please that you will try to reach out to someone." Ginny eyed Hermione for a long moment before she sighed and tore her gaze to the fireplace. 

"It was Harry's idea of course, as ridiculous as it may sound. We really think this will help you open up." Ginny gave Hermione a reassuring smile.

"I just need to hear you say it," Ginny continued. 

"Say what exactly?" Hermione asked.

"I need you to promise me you will use the journal," Ginny huffed as she waited for Hermione to say something. 

 

"Ginny I don't see how this is supposed-" 

 

"Just say it!" Ginny was now on her feet glaring at Hermione. 

"Okay, fine, I promise to write in the journal."

"Everyday." Ginny added. 

Hermione closed her eyes and sighed. "Everyday." she agreed.

"There, see was that so hard?" Ginny flashed a triumphant smile. 

Hermione internally rolled her eyes while she chewed the bottom of her lip. Ginny didn't even wait for a reply before she turned around to walk away.

"Any ways, I have homework to do. I'll be in the library if you need me." Ginny walked away with a jump in her step. Hermione shook her head in disbelief.

Hermione was left feeling heavier than she had ever had, engulfed with guilt and shame. She looked down at the journals and let out a sigh. She really didn't have much interest in leaving a journal somewhere so she could pour her heart out to a stranger, though if it would comfort her friends that she was talking to someone. She would have to comply with her friends wishes. She began charming the journals so that they were not retraceable, she then put an age restriction on the journals so that no one younger than her would be able to see the journal. Hermione rolled her eyes as she shoved the journals into her book bag and continued to work on her homework. When she did her rounds she would leave the journal somewhere and just hope to Merlin that whoever got the other journal would find it just as rediculous as she did.

Later that night she made her rounds and made sure students were not wondering around after curfew. She held onto the journal underneath her robes as she walked the halls. She wasn't exactly sure where to leave the journal, she didn't want just anyone to find the journal. _The courtyards? No . . . too many students._ The library was a place she considered but decided against it. She finally just stood still and looked around, the halls were empty and she looked at the window beside her. 

 

 _'Whatever'_ she thought to herself as she took out the journal and placed it on the window sill. She wondered if she should have left a note, but decided against it last minute. She couldn't risk someone showing up and catching her in the act. It would beat the whole purpose of being completely anonymous. She let out another sigh. _Why did Ginny have to be so impossible?_ She left the journal on the window sill as she began to finish her rounds before she headed to the dorms.


	4. Secret Keeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  __  
> Hello lovelies - before you start reading I just really want to give you a trigger warning. . . As I have written . . . Hermione struggles with eating and keeping interest in anything really and ect. I'm not exactly confident that she has an eating disorder. (I would know....) when one struggles with depression its very hard to take care of yourself. The smallest things are hard to do. That being said - just be gaurded as you read. . .if you pick up on the settle hints of what Hermione is going through and find it triggering than by all means. . . stop reading . . . maybe find a good book, go for a walk, have a nice bath or do something you really enjoy. Just remember to breathe - and you can always message me if you are going through anything. Pretty much all that I'm writing is what I know. <3 This is actually some sort of therapy for me and it is for me. . . Take care of you.  
> TW include: Depression, War, Sexual Assault/Rape, Death, & Possible Eating Disorder  
> My goal is to show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, regardless of the process to get there. Not to mention that sometimes the most unexpected people in our lives are the ones to walk us through our trials. We all have to carry our crosses.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Also when reading be sure to listen to the songs that I recommend, I find it really helps the mood of the chapter and honestly they are really nice._

All Hermione could do was toss and turn by the time eleven o’clock struck. Each minute that dragged on, the more frustrated Hermione felt. She was more than just tired; she was completely and utterly exhausted. If time was a substance, it would have been molasses. Hermione closed her eyes once more as her mind reminded her of a dream she had the night before. Hermione did not dream often, and when she did dream it was usually forgotten by the time she opened her eyes. Though this dream she could not seem to shake, it took all her strength to not think about it. Yet, Hermione pondered the scenes in her head as she recalled being in complete darkness while laying on the cold solid ground. Not only could she not move in the dream but she couldn’t scream out or call for help. Hermione concluded that she must have experienced sleep paralysis. Yes, that had to be it. Though she couldn’t see much around her, the only thing she could recall was the musky damp smell all around her, the cold slimy wet stone that lay beneath her, and the sounds of distant erythematic water dripping off in the distance. The whole scene made her feel eerie as she remembered her heart slamming against her chest as her breathing became more and more unmanageable. The sound that had woken her from her slumber was the sound of a screeching metal gate opening abd with that, Hermione woke up to find herself swimming in her own sweat and her heart halfway wedged halfway up her throat. The dream was more surreal than any dream she ever had and Hermione was thankful that it was only a dream.   
Hermione rolled over on her side and let out a long agitated sigh. _‘This is ridiculous,’_ she thought as she tried to pace her breathing to help clear her mind. By the time twelve AM had passed, Hermiones eyes flunk open as she thought about the journals Ginny had given her. It had been two days since she left the journal on the windowsill. Yet her mind still came to the haltering question as to what was she supposed to write. Surely she would not be telling her whole life story, but she promised Ginny she would write in it every day. Baffled, Hermione sat up in her bed while muttering to herself. “For fuck’ sake,” Hermione muttered under her breath with defeat as she flicked her wand to close her curtains to turn on the light in her bunk. Grabbing her journal and writing supplies, she dipped her quil in ink and started to write what was on her mind. 

> __  
> ‘Have you ever felt so lifeless  
>  That your body burns  
>  It aches  
>  It cripples beneath the weight?  
>     
>  I’m exhausted,  
>  I’m languorous,  
>  I can’t control it,  
>  I can’t grasp it.  
>     
>  All I’ve ever learned from love is that it’s full of sacrifices  
>  All I’ve ever learned from love is that people will keep on taking  
>  Till you have nothing else to give  
>  all I can do is hope to the gods they will still accept me  
>  The best dreams I’ve ever had is of me dying  
>  I’ve looked into the eyes of death  
>  I’ve watched my loved ones greet it like an old friend  
>  They left with a relieving sigh  
>  They left with knowledge and fulfillment  
>     
>  But I’ve watched many fight for every breath  
>  Before their eyes grow dim  
>  They left with choking and spewing curses from their heads  
>  They left with emptiness and venomous tears  
>     
>  Therefore, I have come to the understanding,  
>  That I no longer thrive on life and knowledge  
>  But instead, I envy the dead  
> 

__  
__  
To whomever received the brother of this journal. Know that I’m writing because it has come to my attention that I am nothing but an “Empty Shell” of the person I once was. It’s as if I am now living in the shadows of the person I once was. I was unaware of people’s expectation to come out of a war as the same person. I will not lie, I hate the person who I once was. I don’t know how people put up with me. I did not realize it, but I am a selfish person. I have dragged people down with me, people who have also suffered from the war and have had it far worse than I. Quite frankly, I have no energy to put on a mask and try to convince people I am fine. I’ve accepted who I am now. With that being said I want you to know as I write, I will remain anonymous. I would encourage you to do the same if you wish for this journal to be a safe place for you. Do not feel obligated to read or reply, I am simply writing because I promised I would talk to someone. I put an age restriction charm on, I do know we are around the same or you may be older. Regardless, there are no restrictions, unless you state otherwise. I am not oppressed by any means. I am entitled. I am entitled to feel the way I do, see the world the way I do and entitled to express it through the means of writing.  
   
Yours Truly,  
Secret Keeper.

 

###### 

Hermione sat at her table late Saturday morning as she nibbled on a cold piece of toast. She observed the students around her were exceedingly chatty that morning but spoke to one another in hushed mummers. Hermione propped open a muggle book as she ignored everyone around her.   
“Did you hear?” Hermione jumped at Ginny’s intrusion as she sat beside her. Hermione blinked back her surprise as she watched her friend pile food on her plate. Ginny glanced at Hermione before she looked back down on her plate with pride.  
“Dracos’ parents are said to be in Azkaban for life,” Ginny said cheerfully as she filled her mouth with food. Hermione looked across the tables to find Draco, but he wasn’t there. She then remembered the half smile he gave her on the train as he knocked on the glass. Her heart dropped into her stomach as she remembered how it felt to lose her parents. Yes, Malfoy was a git, he was a bully, and she despised him, yet her heart swelled up with sadness as she recalled the familiar feeling of heaviness in her chest. Hermione winced at the sensation as she glared at Ginny for her obvious lack of empathy.   
“Don’t tell me you feel bad for them,” Ginny challenged as they both met each others’ eyes. Hermione clenched her jaw as she used every ounce of strength from shaking her friend for her arrogance. Hermione tore her eyes away from Ginny and studied the table for a moment before speaking.  
"I’m going to go study," Hermione mumbled through her teeth as she tossed the piece of toast onto her plate. Before Ginny could register what was taking place she looked up to find an empty spot where Hermione once was.  
“Hermione?!” Ginny shrieked as she shot up from her seat and chased after Hermione, only to find herself right outside of the Great Hall doors and yanking Hermione backward to prevent her from leaving. “Let me go!” Hermione spun around with a stone cold look on her face as Hermione felt her emotions unraveling at the seams.   
 "Hermione, what is going on with you? You‘re being-”   
Hermione jerked her shoulder away from Ginny’s grip as Ginnys’ eyes mirrored a flicker of confusion. A wave of pain washed across Ginny’s face as her Weasley temper began to boil to the surface. “What the hell Hermione! What’s gotten into you?” The girl nearly shrieked.  
“You know what Ginny, I need you to back off. For once, I need you to stop hovering over me and leave me be,” Hermione snarled as her eyes prickled with tears. Ginnys’ face dropped as she looked up from Hermione. A moment of confusion passed till Hermione swung herself around to find two black eyes on her. “Problem?” Snape drawled in his usual low monotone voice. Although Snape loathed the idea of having to step in and break up a cat fight, handing out detentions was a great way to start a Saturday morning.  
“Not at all,” Hermione said silkily as she took a step further from Ginny. “I was just leaving, actually,” Hermione flashed a smile at Ginny. “Unless,” Hermione pulled her eyes from Ginny’s face to her feet and let her eyes slowly draw up her body until she met her eyes again. “You have a problem with that?” Hermione raised an eyebrow and cocked her head slightly to the side. Ginny was going red.  
“Not at all," Ginny stuck her nose in the air. "I was just going to tell you to not let the door hit you on the way out, but I suppose I was a tad too late,” Ginny flared a bitter smile at her clever remark.  
“How thoughtful,” Hermione said darkly. Though, she knew she was being unreasonable, but all she needed was space. Ginny always meant well, and it hurt to speak to her that way, but perhaps it was for the best. With that, Ginny huffed and turned around, disappearing behind the great hall doors. All Hermione has ever done to Ginny since the war is drag her down and if pushing her away is what it took for Ginny to be happy then so be it. The Hermione Granger that everyone knew was gone and people needed to get over it. All Ginny saw was an empty shell of who she once was, all she wanted to do is fix her. Hermione didn’t want to be fixed, she just needed someone to stop treating her as if she was broken.  
Hermione looked at the ground for a moment and took a deep breath before she looked up to meet Snapes’ beady charcoal eyes. His expression was the same face she had always seen him in. Cold and distasteful. Though, he was staring in her eyes rather fiercely this time, which made Hermione remember the shrieking shack. Memories began to pour into her brain as she then relived one of the most scariest moments she had ever lived. The memories of putting pressure on his neck while forcing him to drink potion after potion and bounding him by a spell while pinning him to the ground with her body so she could force more potions down his throat wafted into Hermiones' mind. Yet even then he was still trying to fight her with the little strength he had left. The sound of his gurgles replayed in her mind as she had to turn him over so he wouldn't choke on his own blood. She remembered the constant hisses he made from the pain he was in, yet she didn't stop forcing another bottle of anti-venom potion down his throat. She could feel the tears burning down her cheeks as she kept encouraging him to stay awake and to look her in the eyes. It wasn't long after that, that she had to watch his eyes constantly roll to the back of his skull as he began seizing. Foam oozed from his mouth as she held her bloodied hand up to her mouth to cover a quiet sob as she watched the man she grew up knowing as her Professor fighting for his life or dying. She watched the man infront of her shake violently till he could regain consciousness and talked to him in a soothing voice as she pushed his greasy hair out of his face and encouraged him to open his eyes once more. Hermione had lost count how many seizures she had to watch him have till she could get him to the hospital wing, but that day, she was convinced she was going to have to watch another person die. She was grateful to see his life Snape had opened his eyes because she had to look in all of their eyes as she comforted them, and listened to their final last breaths. The same black eyes that stared at her then, the angry, watery and tired eyes that she had encouraged to open countless of times as she caressed his cheek and wiped his spittle away from his mouth, was the same ones that were looking at her now and for some odd reason, she hoped to Merlin he didn't remember any of it. Every person she had to watch life fade from their eyes flashed in her mind as she began to feel overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness. She closed their eyes. She put the sheet over their bodies. Hermiones’ face suddenly greyed as she pulled her gaze from Snape. How long had she been looking into his eyes? Her stomach violently twisted as she gave the brooding Professor a small smile and turned on her heel to find the nearest bathroom. 


	5. To Breathe Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Pompeii Cover by Jasmine Thompson_   
>  _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7zVn1AXNI0_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Pompeii - Bastille_
>
>>  
>> 
>> __  
> I was left to my own devices  
>  Many days fell away with nothing to show
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _And the walls kept tumbling down_  
>  In the city that we love  
> Grey clouds roll over the hills  
> Bringing darkness from above
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _But if you close your eyes_  
>  Does it almost feel like  
> Nothing changed at all?  
> And if you close your eyes  
> Does it almost feel like  
> You've been here before?
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _But if you close your eyes_  
>  Does it almost feel like  
> Nothing changed at all?  
> And if you close your eyes  
> Does it almost feel like  
> You've been here before?
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _Nothing changed at all_  
>  Nothing changed at all
>> 
>>  
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _We were caught up and lost in all of our vices_  
>  In your pose as the dust settled around us  
> And the walls kept tumbling down  
> In the city that we love  
> Grey clouds roll over the hills  
> Bringing darkness from above
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _But if you close your eyes_  
>  Does it almost feel like  
> Nothing changed at all?  
> And if you close your eyes  
> Does it almost feel like  
> You've been here before?
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _Nothing changed at all_  
>  Nothing changed at all
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _Oh where do we begin?_  
>  The rubble or our sins?  
> Oh where do we begin?  
> The rubble or our sins?
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _But if you close your eyes_  
>  Does it almost feel like  
> Nothing changed at all?  
> And if you close your eyes  
> Does it almost feel like  
> You've been here before?
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _Nothing changed at all_  
>  Nothing changed at all  
> 

It had been three weeks since the fight of Ginny and Hermione. Ginny was giving Hermione all the space she needed and more. Ginny wanted to scream and shake her so-called-friend so badly, she felt betrayed and angry. What angered her the most is how Hermione acted in front of Snape. She felt embarrassed and confused. Nothing she said, nothing she did, did anything for Hermione. She couldn't reach her, couldn't get to her, hell she couldn't even talk to her. She avoided Hermione at all cost; she didn't want Hermione to see how angry she was. She felt she didn't have a friend in Hermione Granger. The girl was anything but the Hermione Granger she once knew; she was an empty shell of the girl she used to be. The words of her mother came flooding into the young brain of Ginny. 'Friends are like seasons, they come and go with their own reasons.' It was a hard thing for Ginny to swallow. At least she tried. Ginny shrugged and went on with her day, she would hang out with her friends and will have to get over the loss of Hermione Jean Granger.

It rather relieved Hermione Granger she didn't have to answer to anyone, nor did she have to face anyone the last few weeks. Teachers left her alone, Ginny left her alone and everyone else left her alone. Hermione slept until eleven AM before she dragged herself out of bed and showered. The water was hot enough to melt her skin off and that is how Hermione liked it.

 _'At least I feel something,'_ Hermione thought to herself.

She lathered herself in her favorite lavender soap before immersing herself underneath the scorching water again. Hermiones' fingers entangled in her knotted hair as she messaged the eucalyptus-scented shampoo into her scalp. She hadn't brushed her hair in a week. She usually left it in a sloppy bun that sat on the top of her head to avoid having to deal with it. Hermione decided that she would attempt to work out the knots out of her hair with conditioner and her fingers. Hermione paled as she pulled out fistfuls of hair. "Merlins balls" Hermione's jaws dropped. Her fingers trembling as she continued to pull out more and more clumps of hair. Hermione couldn't take it anymore. Her breath was shaking as she turned off the water as she dried herself off. She had to steady herself against the wall for a moment before she made another move. She concluded she took too long of a hot shower.

Soon she stood before the mirror. Her sunken eyes had dark purple bruises underneath them. Her lips were so chapped she couldn't even smile without them splitting. The only reason Hermione even wore makeup was that she looked like a corpse without it. The towel she held fell from her body as Hermione looked at the foreign person staring back at her. She shivered as she observed her body. Her collarbones jutted out while the thin blanket of skin revealed her chest bones and ribs. Even though her feet were together, her thighs were apart. Her breasts were no longer plump and round but rather small and withered. She no longer carried curves of a woman but rather had a body of a girl. There was nothing remotely attractive about her. She was rather ashamed of how she looked and how she has let herself sink so low. 'There is no one else to blame but myself' she thought to herself. Hermione knew how to hide her body from people. 

 

She started with a drying spell for her body and hair. Then moved on to getting dressed, but when she tried to put her knickers on she almost toppled over. She stumbled to the bench to sit down so she could continue to dress. Hermione put on three pairs of legging to wear underneath her baggy jeans. She used the bench to balance herself as she pulled up her pants. She put on a bra, a tank top, two long sleeve shirts, and an oversized knitted jumper. She also wore her magic warming socks to keep her feet warm. Wearing the pair was just as nice as having your feet in front of a campfire. When she felt stable enough to get up, she would make herself to the Great Hall to eat. She needed to eat something or she would faint. Hermione was determined that she would, she didn't need to be blacking out in class. 

 

A tear skidded down Hermione's cheek. _'Why are the simple things so hard?'_ Hermione sniffed back her tears. She didn't know how long she sat there, but it didn't feel long. She stood up, picked up her purse and draped it across her shoulder. She felt her heart plummet as her heart pulsed throughout her whole body. It almost made Hermione stumble a few steps back, though she kept pushing forward while balancing herself with a hand on the wall. She was losing her breath, her breathing was becoming more rapid. She clenched her hand on her chest as it tightened as the beating of her heart pulsed through her body. She turned the corner, to see Snape and McGonagall standing in the middle of the hall, they seemed to be in a deep conversation. She wanted to turn around before she found herself falling forwards with both hands stopping her from smashing her skull to the stone floor. Her knees throbbed as she tried to take deep breaths, only to glance up to see Snape stop in mid-sentence. His face dropped. He began to take a step forward as McGonagall followed his gaze. She looked back down at the ground as she clenched her chest as it began to throb in pain. It was as if her heart was pumping fire into her veins. She began to panic as it began to get even more difficult to breathe. 

 

"Miss Granger!" She heard Professor McGonagall cry out. She didn't have to look up to know both of her professors were practically running towards her. It dawned on Hermione that she not only forgot to put on makeup, but she also forgot to put up her wild tangled hair. Two warm hands lifted her face. Her eyes met Professor McGonagalls' eyes. She could feel Professor Snapes' firm hand on her back. He was kneeling beside her as she looked into Professor McGonagalls' brown eyes.

 

"I can't-I ca- I can't breathe," Hermione sobbed. Tears were pouring down Hermiones' face. Hermione pulled her face away from McGonagalls' hands and sucked in another breath, she didn't want anyone to see that she was scared. 

 

"Sev-" Professor McGonagall was cut off as Professor Snape snaked his arms around Hermiones' body and pulled her into his chest. She placed her head at the nape of his neck as he got up from the castle floor and ran towards the hospital wing. Her breathing felt weaker and she felt tired. _'This is it isn't it? I'm going to die in the arms of my Professor.'_ Miss Granger thought to herself. _'At least he smells good.'_ Miss Granger concluded as Snape rolled his eyes. 

"At least I smell good," Snape snorted as he muttered quietly to himself.

 

Snape knew something wasn't right ever since the first day back to Hogwarts. He could see it just by the look in her eyes. He remembered the first year Miss Granger sat in class with Potter. Every. Single. Class. her arm was dancing in the air to answer his questions just to prove that she was smart. Any time he saw her outside of class she was either with Weasley and Potter or reading. But now, now he held a witch that was fighting for every breath and he wasn't confident she was going to make it. When did she become like this? How long has she been hiding her condition from everyone and why hasn't anyone said anything? Of course he knew something was going on with the Granger girl but he did not realise the witch was fading away right infront of everyones eyes. Would he ever see another witch fall out of their seat just to answer a bloody question? Would he ever meet a child so hungry for knowledge that they would use a time turner to attend even more classes? The fact that Miss Granger was given a time turner in the first place made his blood boil. The bloody know-it-all witch. 

 

“I’m tired Professor,” Hermione said with a strained voice. Hermiones tiny voice pulled Snape back to reality as he then remembered the weak state of her mind and took advantage to listen to her thoughts once again.   
“I want to sleep,” Hermione confirmed. With that statement, Snape tightened his grip around Hermione as he ran up the stairs. He wasn’t going to let this witch die on him, especially when she didn’t let him die. It was only fair that she got the taste of her own medicine as well as he was repaying his life debt to her and after this, they would be even.   
   
“You will do no such thing, Miss Granger. Do I make myself clear?” Snape snapped. He could hear a soft snort coming from the girl, she obviously found him to be amusing.   
“Are you going to give me detention if I do?” She whispered between each breath with a weak smile.   
“One point from Griffyndor,” He growled with a slight smirk on his face.   
“For cheek,” He added.   
_‘How Snape of you,’_ Hermione retorted in her head as Snape managed to hold the Granger girl tighter to his chest.   
“Indeed,” he replied coolly.   
_‘You bastard,’_   Hermione thought, _‘Of course you would take this opportune time to get in my head,’_  
Snape smirked as he continued to encourage the girl. “I was not aware you wanted a week worth of detention Miss Granger, keep it up and I will grant that wish,” Snape chided.   
_‘Here I lay in your arms dying and you're threatening me with detention, you sir, are a greasy git,’_  Hermione shot back. 

Though he was rather amused at her boldness to speak to him in that manner, Snape began to dismiss her after her remarks and pulled himself from her head. Snape saw it as a good sign that if she had enough strength to verbally assault his person, then she could pull through this. Though, perhaps he had concluded too soon because he soon felt Miss Granger go limp in his arms as her head rolled back. Snape readjusted himself so that Miss Grangers forehead was back leaning against his neck as his nostrils flaired. He then realised that Miss Granger was no longer fighting for air, if anything, she wasn't breathing at all was a wonder. “Fuck,” Snape said through his clenched jaw as he flew into the medical wing. 


	6. The Ferret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Fix You" - Coldplay (Alex Goot, Jada Facer, Jade Pettyjohn)_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>    
>  _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrfyzkUc5fA_
> 
>  
> 
> _Fix You - Coldplay_
>
>>   
> When you try your best but you don't succeed  
> When you get what you want but not what you need  
> When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
> Stuck in reverse
>> 
>> When the tears come streaming down your face  
> 'Cause you lose something you can't replace  
> When you love someone but it goes to waste  
> What could it be worse?
>> 
>> Lights will guide you home  
> And ignite your bones  
> And I will try to fix you
>> 
>> But high up above or down below  
> When you are too in love to let it show  
> Oh but if you never try you'll never know  
> Just what you're worth
>> 
>> Lights will guide you home  
> And ignite your bones  
> And I will try to fix you
>> 
>> Tears come streaming down your face  
> When you lose something you cannot replace  
> oh and tears come streaming down your face  
> And I
>> 
>> Tears streaming down your face  
> I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes  
> oh and the tears streaming down your face  
> And I
>> 
>> Lights will guide you home  
> And ignite your bones  
> And I will try to fix you  
> 

Hermione Granger slowly drifted out of her slumber as she became aware of her surroundings. Her eyes fluttered open as her eyes jumped around the hospital wing while listening to the deafening silence that embraced her ears. The hospital wing was faintly lit by torches as shadows flickered across the walls, moving with the dancing flames. Hermione sat up with her head foggy and body feeling worn out. The one thing she instantly noticed was how warm she felt and how she had circulation in her hands. She then noticed how toasty the bed sheets were and figured that the bedspread had a warming charm on them. Hermione let a long drawn-out sigh as she sat in her bed and looked desperately around for her bag so she could read. She noticed the bandaids that were on the inside of her arm. She must have been hooked up to an IV at some point. Her mangled scars from Bellatrix were nowhere near from hidden but were rather open for all to see. How long have I been here? Glancing at her bedside table Hermione saw that there were flowers, cards, candy and a glass of water. A weak smile came across Hermiones’ face, anyone that knew her well knew she did not care for candy. She could thank her parents for that. 

 

When she opened the drawer to the bedside table, she found her bag, and her wand laying on top of her neatly folded clothes. Grabbing her bag, Hermione began digging in it to find the journal Ginny gave her. She hadn’t written in it since the fight with Ginny. Though she curiously opened the journal to see if the stranger wrote back. Hermione wouldn’t admit it but found herself slightly disappointed that there was no response. I have nothing else better to do, Hermione shrugged as she rummaged through her purse for a quill and ink. She flipped the journal to a new page and wrote. With words dribbling from her mind and her heart trembling as she wrote. 

>   
>  Silence is my mother tongue  
>  And solitude my sister  
>  My brother loneliness holds my hand at night  
>  When insomnia keeps me awake  
>  With her satin lullabies  
>  I love them with all my heart  
>  The conquerors of my soul  
>  And destroyers of my mind

Hermione stopped as soon she heard a distant whimper from the hospital wing.  She waited for a moment to see if the sobbing would stop. As moments passed she dried the ink with a drying spell before she shut the journal. She put everything away as she crept out of her bed to follow the quiet cries. Her ankle cracked as she walked on the balls of her feet. As she got closer, she heard heavy panting. She pulled the curtains to one side till she stood in front of the bed of Draco Malfoy. 

His face was shimmering with sweat as hot scorching tears painted his cheeks. His body jerking from side to side as his hands had a fistful of sheets. He let a long painful groan as he continued to thrash in his bed. With little thought, Hermione walked to the side of his bed and sat beside him and put a hand on his chest to stop him from thrashing. She then cupped his cheek and talked to him with a gentle voice. She called his name till his eyes shot open and he gasped for air. As soon as his eyes met hers, he instantly sat up from his bed while she pulled back her hands to give him much-needed space, knowing well she was seeing a vulnerable side of him he didn’t want to share with her.  She knew she was the last person he would ever want to see, especially after a night terror. She looked at the dark circles under his eyes, his pale and thin frame. His lips barely had any color in them and were just as chapped as hers. His hair was not in its usual style, instead, it was greasy and hung in front of his eyes. 

Before one of them could say anything, she got up from his bed and made her way back to her bed. Instead of laying back down she grabbed her bag, her glass of water and padded her way back to the platinum-haired ferret. When she saw him again, he was staring at his knees; he didn’t even lift his head to glare at her. Instead, he sat there unaware of her presence. She sat at the edge of the bed as she turned her body to face him. Digging through her bag she pulled out her dark chocolate stash. She used her teeth to unwrap the chocolate and snapped the bar in half to hand it to Draco. He stared at her hand with a confused expression on his face. 

“It will help you feel better, trust me.” Hermione gave him a small reassuring smile. Though, Draco looked at her as if she grew three heads, or perhaps four, in return.

 “Well, it’s not going to eat it itself Draco. Take the damn chocolate.” Hermione said darkly.  
He nodded and broke the chocolate in smaller pieces to pop into his mouth. He didn’t look at her, nor did he acknowledge her. He was rather wondering what the hell the Granger girl was up to and what he ever did for her to be nice to him.Hermione then handed him the glass of water. 

“Here, take this to wash it down. Dark chocolate always makes my mouth dry.” She muttered quietly. He gave her the same stunned expression as before. Deer in the headlights. Hermione let out an impatient sigh.   
“I poisoned it. If you drink all of it, you will be dead within the next thirty to forty-five minutes," Hermione said as she rolled her eyes. Draco nodded as he cautiously took the glass of water and took a small sip.   
_‘Okay, so Slytherins will not trust you unless you‘re being a total sarcastic twat.’_ Hermione observed.  _‘Duly noted.’_

She then fixed her mind to her bag as she rummaged around for her bottle of the essential oil blend she made. She waited for Draco to finish eating and drinking until she opened the bottle and poured a small amount of oil into her palm. Draco watched her intently, unsure of what her next move was.   
“Not that I care, but you don’t seem to be your usual self Draco. Surely by now, you would have tried to bite my head off at least twice by now.” Hermione stated as she dipped her thumb in the oil. 

“I’ve given you plenty of opportunities.” She continued. Though Hermione wasn’t sure why she was talking to the ferret. He has been nothing but unkind to her since the first year. He even called her a filthy little mudblood at one point. It's because of him and Snape she holds her hand in front of her mouth when she laughs or smiles with her teeth showing. That, or she looks away or looks down. Insecurity was her blanket. 

“This is a blend of lavender, sage, eucalyptus, and rosemary,” Hermione confirmed as she glided her thumb down Dracos’ neck. She then took a hold of each hand only to put oil on the insides of his wrists. She made sure to not look at his faded death-eaters mark.

“It’s not too overpowering, is it?” She asked as Draco lifted his wrist to his nose to smell only shake his head. Hermione now sat in front of Draco Malfoy. An ex-death eater. A bully. Yet she stayed and watched Draco. He avoided making eye contact with her and stared at the edge of the bed. Fine. She will reach out to the bloody ferret. But it was up to him to accept it or not, she would not go chasing after him. 

“Move over ferret,” Hermione grunted as she slid herself off the bed. Draco popped his head up and watched her move closer to the side of the bed.   
“Scooch, Draco.” She said annoyed.   
“What the bloody hell are you-” Dracos eyebrows knit together as he glared at Hermione.   
“I want to cuddle,” Hermione said with an expressionless face. Dracos face dropped as he gawked at her as she waited for a reply. Hermione clenched her teeth to hold back a smile, she was having too much fun with this. He looked absolutely mortified.   
“I’m joking Draco, now move over.” She sat beside him and leaned her back against the headboard as he shuffled over to give her room. They sat in silence before she spoke again.  
“So, I heard you punched Goyle in the face,” Hermione said as she looked over to Draco who didn’t even bat an eyelash. He sat there staring at the curtains that surrounded his bed.  
“I get it, I’ve burned every bridge with my friends.” Hermione slowly nodded as she stared off into the distance while chewing on her bottom lip. She looked over again to see Draco staring at her arm.   
“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, but if it gives you some peace in mind; you don‘t have to go through this alone.”  
“Granger, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I would much rather be alone right now.” Draco hissed. 

“That’s fine. I will leave you alone.” Hermione said evenly.    
“I wanted you to know that if you need someone that will accept you for who are now and not who you were then, then you know where to find me. I’m not saying we have to be friends, that we have to talk or hang out regularly.” Hermione paused. She was wasting her breath. _Fuck._  
“They say I’m just an empty shell of who I once was.” Hermione blinked.  
“Everyone that has known me before the war usually ends up talking about how I used to be. How I was so happy and smart. How I saved the golden trio and was the brightest witch of my time. I could go on though I’d rather not.“Hermione scoffed.  
“I’m just an empty shell. It's as if they talk about me as if I died in the war. Instead of listening or walking with me they would much rather try to fix me than understand why I am the way I am.” A tear skidded across Hermiones’ cheek. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ She was talking too much, all she wanted to do was open a door for him, not tell him her whole life story. She simply wanted to offer a hand so he wouldn’t have to walk through this alone. Why should she care anyway? He’s a git.  

“What I’m trying to say is I don’t think we are all that different.” Hermione shifted uncomfortably before she got out of the bed and collected all her items before she made her way to her own bed. She didn‘t even look at the ferret or say goodnight. _Big mistake. Huge mistake. What was I even expecting?_ Hermione pushed the event that took place with Draco out of her mind. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to think about tonight ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Poem is not mine - have permission to post. Website to find more of her work:**
> 
>  
> 
> _https://lilithnoah.tumblr.com/_  
>  _Instagram: @lilithnoah_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Must admit this chapter was a little hard to write. Just got some really big news. As time goes on I will be sure to fill you all in. Regardless let me know what your thoughts are on this chapter. Cheers.


	7. You fought the fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wake Up -Arcade Fire
> 
>  
> 
> _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zdNdjF-htY_
>
>>   
> Somethin' filled up  
> My heart with nothin'  
> Someone told me not to cry
>> 
>> Now that I'm older  
> My heart's colder  
> And I can see that it's a lie
>> 
>> Children wake up  
> Hold your mistake up  
> Before they turn the summer into dust
>> 
>> If the children don't grow up  
> Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up  
> We're just a million little god's causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to rust  
> I guess we'll just have to adjust
>> 
>> With my lightnin' bolts a glowin  
> I can see where I am goin' to be  
> When the reaper he reaches and touches my hand
>> 
>> With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'  
> I can see where I am goin'  
> With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'  
> I can see where I am go-goin'
>> 
>> You better look down below
>>
>>> By the time morning came around, Madam Pomfrey gave Hermione a stern talking to. According to the mediwitch, Hermione was not only underweight, but dehydrated, malnourished, anemic, and had awakened from a five day coma due to her cardiac arrest. She then explained that normally, people wouldn‘t go into a coma during cardiac arrest, but due to the simple fact that she was not getting enough oxygen to the brain and had extremely low blood sugar her body simply shut down.   
All Hermione could do was nod and listen as the woman handed potion after potion to Hermione. Madam Pomfrey warned that she had a specific meal plan that Hermione needed to follow when she went back to class. Not to mention the weekly weigh-ins she would have to attend. She had also informed Hermione that she would have to take certain potions and other concoctions for the next several months to restore her stamina and health. Madam Pomfrey didn’t waltz around the subject, she was forthright and straight to the point. Hermione couldn’t help but feel even more ashamed that she had fallen so deep. Madam Pomfrey shook her head with a sigh as she offered Hermione a small smile. 

“I know you are dealing with the war in your own way dear. We all are in our own way.” Her bright blue eyes danced across Hermiones’ face.   
“Your years at Hogwarts has never been easy, I believe you came to us at a dark, dark time.” Pomfrey paused and tore her gaze to the window.   
“I’ve seen a lot of broken bodies,” Pomfrey frowned at the memories.   
“A lot of good students where taken away from us and I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you had to help collect their bodies. I’m sorry you had to see that deary.”  
“And it is the students, such as yourself, that keep me going. Otherwise I would have retired many years ago.” Madam Pomfrey tried to give a comforting smile.   
“You fought the fight, Miss Granger, we won the war and now it is time you find something to live for.” Pomfrey gave Hermione a squeeze on the shoulder.   
“If there is ever a moment, you need to speak or want to talk, I would like to think you know where to find me.”  
Hermione looked into the eyes of the mediwitch. Her eyes were glossy, two more blinks and tears would surely fall down her soft leather worn cheeks. 

 

When Madam Pomfrey informed the Headmaster that Miss Granger was now awake, McGonagall decided to visit her cub later that afternoon. When she arrived she found that Miss Granger was sleeping while surrounded by stacks of books and a half written essay. McGonagall took a seat on a chair that sat at the side of the bed. She sat there just like she did when Severus was in his coma, waiting for him to wake up. With a flick of her wand, she moved the books to the bedside table. She watched Miss Grangers’ small frame rise and fall with her steady shallow breaths. Though Miss Granger looked much better than she did, she was still extremely pale and looked just as fragile as she did on the castle floor.

All the professors that knew Miss Granger before the war noticed her lack of enthusiasm in their classes. They only made a few small comments about her as they moved on to talk about other students and other gossip. McGonagall stopped Miss Granger in the hall a week ago to see how the girl was keeping up. Though the girl was more on the quiet side, she seemed to be in-tune with the small conversation. It was short, but it was sweet. Almost too sweet. With Hermione hiding behind a mask of make-up and charms to help her look well, it was hard to tell how gaunt she was. Not to mention the layers of clothing she had warn to keep herself warm and to hide her body from questioning minds. She hid herself well. Too well. 

What sickened McGonagall even more was that perhaps people did know, they just didn’t bother to say anything. After a few words with Miss Weasley, her sneaking suspicion was right all along, people did know. None of the professors realized how sick Miss Granger was. McGonagall found out that Miss Granger had isolated herself from her friends. It was rather normal for students to have spats with each other, but to cut people out of your life raised a few eyebrows. Miss Weasley explained that they had tried everything for their friend, but no matter what they did, nothing seemed to reach her. She had also explained what Miss Granger had done to protect her family from the Dark Lord and his followers. Despite how hard they tried for the last year, they simply left their friend to figure things out on her own; stating that they where respecting her wishes to be left to herself. The only thing Miss Weasley asked was if Miss Granger would be alright and then Miss Weasley left. McGonagall sat in her desk, sitting still before she took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose while letting out a long drawn out sigh.

 

Before the whole Miss Granger situation, Severus and McGonagall were talking about his godson. McGonagall knew Severus wasn’t sure what to do. Malfoy refused to talk to anyone, he barely spoke to his friends or even Severus. He was burning bridges with his peers and refused any hand that tried to help. 

Of course, she tried her best to counsel Severus with the most logical answers she knew. Draco wasn’t just a student to Severus, he was the only family he had left. Severus and her would have to figure something out. For now, regular visits to the hospital wing would have to ensure that both students would stay alive this year at Hogwarts.

The day Severus had brought Miss Granger to the hospital wing and Poppy took the girl into her own hands, he stood in the medical wing with a blank expression till McGonagall found herself standing by his side. She knew it was serious when he didn't say a word. Even though she couldn‘t read his mind, she knew he was not only then worried for his godson, but perhaps considered that he might have just lost one of his brightest students. The student that saved his life. They stood a moment longer with an exchangment of unspoken words before Severus shook his head in disbelief and turned on his heel and left the wing with his robes billowing behind him. There were no words that could make the situation any better. They just had to wait to find out if Miss Granger would make it.  

Days after Miss Granger was in the medical wing in her coma, Mr. Malfoy was had ended up in the wing as well. He seemed to have fainted while flying on his broomstick during quidditch practice. He had broken multiple bones and had a severe concussion. There were other discoveries about the boy but it was something that Severus said he would deal with. 

McGonagall was sorting out counselors for the students. Since Harry Potter arrived at Hogwarts his first year, things had gone dark for students at Hogwarts. Not that it was Potters’ fault. She knew that students who wouldn’t get any better if they didn’t have the opportunity too. She would be speaking to the head of all the houses to make sure that this current situation wouldn’t repeat itself. 

McGonagall watched the girl stir awake till she sat up in her bed and gave McGonagall an uncomfortable smile.   
“I see your classmates where kind enough to bring your homework.” McGonagall looked in the direction of the stacked books with pursed lips.   
“Yes, Neville was kind enough to get drop them off for me.” Miss Granger mumbled as she rubbed her eyes.   
“How are you feeling?” McGonagall prodded.   
“Fine, Madam Pomfrey thinks I should be able to leave tomorrow.” Miss Granger stated.   
“I trust you have come to an agreement with the terms?”  
“Yes Mam,” Hermione nodded as she was once again reminded of her incompetence to take care of herself.   
“Good, now there are some other things I would like to discuss before I return to my duties. You will step down as head girl and turn in your prefect badge. As it stands now, I find that you should be focussing on your well being and your health right now.”   
Hermione nodded.    
“Till further notice, I expect you to meet me in my office Saturday after breakfast and Wednesday after supper.”  
Hermione nodded once more as she stared at her lap. 

Yes, it was the head of the house that should be looking after the well being of their house, but Miss Granger was a different case. She knew Miss Granger since she was a girl and knew she wouldn’t just talk to anybody. McGonagall stood up from the chair and turned to look at Miss Granger one more time.   
“I suppose I will see you tomorrow after breakfast then, rest easy Miss Granger.” McGonagall gave her usually stern voice before she turned and walked away. 

Hermione did her best to not let her emotions get the best of her. She took her job seriously as head house and as prefect. _‘Nothing I do will ever be good enough. No matter how hard I try, I always manage to fuck it up.’_

For the rest of the day, Hermione distracted herself with piles of homework. That is, till Madam Pomfrey made her last rounds and lights were out. Laying in bed, Hermione pretended to sleep till everything grew quiet as she listened to another students’ gentle snoring. When she knew for sure it was safe, she grabbed her book and began to read. After four chapters, Hermione felt her eyelids getting heavier. Giving in to the sleep that was calling her, she placed her bookmark that Luna made her for Christmas inside the book and laid in bed hoping to have a good night sleep. 

She slid into a recurring dream, a dream that felt too real to be a dream. She usually forgot about dreams, but not this one. It was too real to forget. It was happening more frequently over the last couple of weeks and it always started the same. It started out with being aware she was on the cold hard stone ground that lay beneath her. She would then try to move, but could not find the strength to do so. Her screams wouldn’t come out, nor would her body move. A rush of emotions pulsed through her veins as she heard voices. She couldn’t see anyone but she could hear them. There had to have been three people in the room with her. That’s when she would realize the lack of modesty she had. She lay there bare on the floor. Hermione would usually wake up crying before the dream went any further. But this time she found herself hyperventilating as she was swimming in her own sweat. Before she even realized what she was doing, she sat up and hugged her knees to her chest and began to whisper to herself. _“It’s just a dream, it was just a dream, it’s okay, I’m okay, it didn’t happen.”_ Tears ran down her cheeks as she tried to sob as quietly as she could. _“It was just a dream”_ she chanted to herself once more. Oh, how she wished she was in her own bed so she could set up her own silencing charms so no one could hear her. 

Without knowing why she looked up to see Draco standing at the edge of her bed with an odd look on his face. It was a look she had never seen him with, was it concern? Regardless it made her mad. How long had he been watching? Was he trying to get back at her for her being a complete ditz the other night? Because if he was, she would make sure she would not offer her hand out to anyone after what had happened. 

She wanted to tell him to go watch someone else, but before she could he made his way to the side of her bed and motioned for her to move over. She glared at him before he glared at her back. Rolling her eyes she moved over and lifted the covers for him to slide in next to her. With tears still flowing from her eyes, she looked the other way so he wouldn’t see. He didn’t seem to mind. With a long sigh, he leaned his head back on the headboard and stared up at the ceiling. Hermione stared down at her lap and didn’t mutter a word. Even though he was a complete git, it was nice having someone there. Even if she wished it was someone else. Thinking of who she would want to be sitting next to her, she realized she couldn’t think of anyone else without accusing herself of wishful thinking. She wanted to scoff at herself. No wonder she was so alone. Hermione then realized it had been a while since either of them moved. Stealing a glance at Draco, she realized he had fallen asleep. She could tell with his deep breathing and his lax jaw. Being careful not to wake him, she shuffled herself down and turned her body towards the ferret. She couldn’t sleep in her usual fetal position because her body was pressed up against Malfoys legs and this was the side she had always slept on. Hermione let a small huff, the beds were not made for two people. She listened to the constant rhythm of Dracos breathing before she too was fast asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I am so, so sorry it has taken me so long to update. It will be easy for me to tell you all since we are all basically anonymous on this site. Today I celebrated 9 weeks of pregnancy. I decided to name the little child- Bean (just nickname..not actual name)_  
>  As of yet, it is too soon to find out the sex of the cild. I got my first ultrasound and saw the flicker of its heart beat. I was trying so hard to not cry. It's a pretty cool experience. Morning sickness... is not just in the mornings. It is CONSTANT. For the last two weeks I have been drinking gingerale and been bringing packets of crackers with me where ever I go. I love soda crackers. 
> 
>  
> 
> _I have also been suffering from withdrawels of my antidepressants. Lets just say... I have been pretty useless. I turn my head and I am extremely dizzy. The only thing I can compare it... to is...have you ever woken up from a dream because you were falling? You know how your whole body has a rush of adrenaline? Or if you have ridden in a plane.. and there is turbulance and the plane just drops for a few moments and your body is like.. HOLY FUCK!! Well its like that while feeling your heart pulse through your veins.. So I feel like I'm constantly falling... I am now taking 1/8th of a pill every second day. . . and the withdrawels are just starting to lighten. They aren't as bad though. So... thats good. I WILL BE DRUG FREEEE. Let me just say that I have taken bipolar medication and stopped taking them just due to the mere fact that the side effects were awful... and I never had withdrawels this bad. Don't let me scare you... if you need pills to function in life. DO IT. If it's going to help you... DO IT. I just have a very sensative body. Even the Dr's are surprised of the severity of the withdrawels.. it's partially why I kept taking them._
> 
>  
> 
> _So yeah.. here is your chapter... It is 2:30 am in the morning. . . please let me know what you think. The writing program told me that I'm not exactly the greatest writer but.. here I am. Sometimes it's pretty stupid though... it kept wanting me to change cub to club... *eye roll* annnd I'm rambling and you're probably not reading this.. because who reads this stuff?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Also note.. I did a little bit of research on heart attacks.. though I'm not a nurse.. or a DR. + this is fanfiction. so ... whatevs. I will also be back later to re-edit this chapter. Knowing me.. I probably gunked something up._
> 
>  
> 
> _Well there's my life story. So many TMI's that I share with you stranger dangers. Any WAY.... Make good choices!_


	8. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ### Everybody Knows
> 
> #### Sigrid song lyrics 
> 
> _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKs1HA7E3sM_
>
>>   
> Everybody knows that the dice are loaded  
> Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed  
> Everybody knows the war is over  
> Everybody knows the good guys lost  
> Everybody knows the fight was fixed  
> The poor stay poor, the rich get rich  
> That's how it goes  
> Everybody knows
>> 
>> Everybody knows that the boat is leaking  
> Everybody knows that the captain lied  
> Everybody got this broken feeling  
> Like their father or their dog just died  
> Everybody talking to their pockets  
> Everybody wants a box of chocolates  
> And a long-stem rose  
> Everybody knows
>> 
>> Everybody knows that you love me baby  
> Everybody knows that you really do  
> Everybody knows that you've been faithful  
> Oh, give or take a night or two  
> Everybody knows you've been discreet  
> But there were so many people you just had to meet  
> Without your clothes  
> Everybody knows
>> 
>> Everybody knows, everybody knows  
> That's how it goes  
> Everybody knows  
> Everybody knows, everybody knows  
> That's how it goes  
> Everybody knows
>> 
>> And everybody knows that it's now or never  
> Everybody knows that it's me or you  
> And everybody knows that you live forever  
> When you've done a line or two  
> Everybody knows the deal is rotten  
> Old Black Joe's still picking cotton  
> For your ribbons and bows  
> And everybody knows
>> 
>> And everybody knows that the Plague is coming  
> Everybody knows that it's moving fast  
> Everybody knows that the naked man and woman  
> Are just a shining artifact of the past  
> Everybody knows the scene is dead  
> But there's gonna be a meter on your bed  
> That will disclose  
> What everybody knows
>> 
>> And everybody knows that you're in trouble  
> Everybody knows what you've been through  
> From the bloody cross on top of Calvary  
> To the beach of Malibu  
> Everybody knows it's coming apart  
> Take one last look at this Sacred Heart  
> Before it blows  
> Everybody knows  
> 

###### Stealing a glance at Draco, she realized he had fallen asleep. She could tell with his deep breathing and his lax jaw. Being careful not to wake him, she shuffled herself down and turned her body towards the ferret. She couldn’t sleep in her usual fetal position because her body was pressed up against Malfoys legs and this was the side she had always slept on. Hermione let a small huff, the beds were not made for two people. She listened to the constant rhythm of Dracos breathing before she too was fast asleep. 

It was merely the break of dawn on a Saturday morning when Snape ripped the curtains open to find Draco and Hermione sleeping side by side on the bed. To find his godson, Draco spooning Miss Granger with his arms wrapped around her waist was a sight he was not expecting. After looking around the infirmary and not being able to find Draco, this was the last place he thought he would find the boy. Snapes’ brows knit together as both of the students jumped awake. Dracos’ eyes shot open while Hermione groaned in detest as she tugged a pillow over her head. 

“What… is… the meaning of… _this_ …” Snape drawled in his usual monotone voice. He never seen the two get along in the same room let alone sleeping next to one another in the hospital wing of all places. 

As soon as Hermione heard his voice she shot up in bed and glanced at Draco and Snape with a bewildered expression in her eyes. Both Hermione and Draco held the same look in their eyes as they gaped at Snape. Hermione studied Draco as he sat up with a disgusted look on his face as he swung his legs over the bed to get up. Hermione then held a horrified look as her hand was searching the back of her head. Jumping out of bed she scowled at Draco.

“Do you drool in your sleep Draco?” Hermione asked with distaste in her tone of voice, being careful not to talk too loudly to wake other students. Draco stopped mid-step and stared at Hermione with a flustered look on his face. 

“Because my hair is dripping wet.” Hermione then flicked her hand to flick the slobber off her fingers.   
“Is this how Slytherin men accompany a witch? Because if so, it is an undesirable trait. I would encourage you to keep your mouth shut the next time you find yourself sleeping next to a witch.” Hermione smirked. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, _Granger_ , there is nothing about yourself that would make any man salivate.” Draco spat. 

Hermione flung her head back and laughed maliciously. Snape cocked his eyebrow, never hearing something so devious coming out of Miss Granger before. He couldn‘t condemn her for being offended, it was rather a revolting thought to be covered in someone else's spittle. 

“Perhaps that is one thing you and I can both agree on then, _ferret_.” Hermione pursed her lips as she walked towards Draco with her hand on the back of her head while holding a glint of dark amusement in her eyes.

“Though I can’t help but want to give you a taste of your own medicine.” 

Before Snape or Draco could fathom what Hermione was doing, she slowly dragged the hand that was holding the back of her head down his face. Dracos face twisted with fury as he was now covered in his own drool. His left eye twitched. Before Snape could take a step in between the two opposing students, he watched in horror as Draco grabbed Miss Granger by the shoulders and pushed her back towards the bed. Miss Granger used Dracos’ own force to her advantage and took two steps to the side until it was her that was pushing him towards the bed. She then used her forearms to push Drocos’ grip from her shoulders. The moment his hands were off her shoulders she grabbed the insides of his wrists and held them in front of her as he stumbled onto the bed behind him. Miss Granger then straddled Draco while pinning his arms to the bed. Snape raised another eyebrow and watched Miss Granger deal with Dracos outburst. He had his wand in reach incase he needed to step in if Draco stepped out of line.  

Saying that Hermione was angry was an understatement. She could handle verbal abuse, but as soon as Draco put his hands on her that way, something inside her snapped. She didn’t know why, but she wanted to scream and hurl things across the room when he grabbed her like that.  Dracos’ icy grey eyes looked at her in shock as everything had happened so fast. Hermiones eyes were full of fury he could see tears in her eyes. His heart thudded against his ribs and hoped to Merlin she wouldn’t punch him in the face again. 

 

“I see your temperament hasn’t improved, Draco. Even if you still think I am, and I quote your words not mine, a _‘filthy little mudblood’_ , you should take care to remember that I do not care for being manhandled. _Thank-you very much._ ” Hermione spat as she sneered at the ferret beneath her. 

The room fell into an awkward silence the moment that word dribbled out of her mouth. Snape took a step towards his two students, he could not stand the repulsive nature of that word. Remembering all too well what it had cost him, he clenched his fists until his nails were digging into his flesh.

“Miss Granger,” Snape cautioned as he took a step forward. 

Hermione ignored Snape as she continued to stare down the at the blond-haired boy.   
“And for future reference, do not try to _‘comfort’_ me or whatever you were trying to do if you find me to be so _repulsive_. I can’t stand fraudulent people.” Hermione then pulled her hands off of Dracos wrists as she swiftly rolled off of Draco till she was getting off the bed. She was about to pass Snape till he held out his arm to prevent her from walking past him. 

“Granger, may I remind you we-do-not-use-that kind of language in this school,” Snape cocked his head to the side as he looked at Miss Granger. As amused as he was to see a new side of her, there was something uncanny about Miss Grangers’ new behavior. The look in her eyes was dangerous, it was the look he knew all too well.

“If you are referring to the word I used, I concur, Professor, though I do not see how it would offend you.” Hermione then gave Snape a half smile as she briefly flickered her eyebrows.

The girl was pushing every single one of his buttons and he had had quite enough of her lip and her attitude. Snape glared at Draco for him to leave the premises. Draco gave him a knowing smile before he strolled out of the room while closing the curtains behind him. Snape then dropped his arm and stared at the insufferable student who stood in front of him. How dare she speak him that way. Had she no respect? Snape vibrated with anger as he bore his eyes into Miss Grangers. His face was now only inches away from hers as he scowled at the girl.

“Do-not-play-games-with-me-Miss-Granger.” Snape seethed as he spoke through his teeth. Miss Granger didn’t flinch at his words, instead, she cocked her head and snapped her eyebrows up. She dared not take a step back to show any signs of weakness. Instead, she moved even closer with her lips now beside his ears and softly smiled.

“I’m not a child Professor, I do not play games. Besides, you’re just my Potions Professor. I hold little value in your life, all I am to you is an insufferable know-it-all. Perhaps I _do_  know why that word upsets you, and it is not for my sake but for yours.” 

Snape opened his mouth to spit venom, only to have Miss Granger cut him off. 

“Not that my opinion matters to you… But may I remind you that you out of all people should know that we all make mistakes. You may hex me for saying this but she was an absolute fool to not forgive you. With what you were going through at that time of your life, words slip out at the most inconvenient times. One thing my father said and I will never forget it, is that it is impossible for mankind, which includes witches and wizards, to tame the tongue.” Hermiones tone changed as she was now speaking to the man softly.

Hermione reached for Snapes‘ clenched fist and held it in her hand as she gently pried it open, revealing the pool of crimson blood in the center of his palm. Snape straightened his posture and looked down his nose at the girl. Hermione didn’t dare to look back up at the ominous black eyes that were burning holes through her skull. There was no going back now, she thought. She might as well finish what she started. 

“The difference between you and Draco is that he meant what he said and you didn‘t. You have lived every single day of your life making up for what you said at a time where you were most vulnerable. I hope that even though she couldn’t forgive you that one day you can forgive yourself, Professor.” 

With that Hermione put his hand back down and blinked a couple times. _‘What the actual fuck did I just do?‘_ She looked away with her heart slamming against her chest while she stood for a moment or two before letting her legs carry her away from the brooding potions master. Swinging the curtains out of the way, she brought herself to the bathroom. Oh, she prayed that when she came back, Professor Snape and Draco weren’t there to face her again. If he were to correct her behavior she wouldn‘t know what to say or do. Hermione didn’t even know how she could ever look him in the eye. She didn’t even know why she acted the way she did towards the two Slytherins. _'Perhaps avoidance will be best for a while.'_  

When she reached the bathroom, she stood in front of the mirror as she was recovering her state of shock. She glowered at the witch who stared back at her in the mirror. Why did she react that way when Draco grabbed her like that? She never felt so much anger in her entire life and why did Snape just stand there and let her do it? Draco could do no wrong. Was he going to give her detention for inappropriate conduct? Or worse, expulsion for standing up for herself? Perhaps he would give her an even harder time in class for her talking to him that way. It wasn‘t her place to talk to him like that, friends talked to each other that way and she was just a bloody student. It’s not as if he valued her opinion anyway, so perhaps it didn’t matter. But someone had to tell him that Lily wasn’t perfect. As much as she loved Harry, his parents had flaws just like everyone else and Harry knew that. She knew Harry was haunted by his fathers behaviour towards Snape. And even though Lily had every right to be angry with Professor Snape, she, out of anyone else should‘ve known his heart. She hoped that Lily watched over Professor Snape from time to time to see how much he had done for her. Despite his dark past, she hoped she had forgiven him by now. For Professor Snapes’ sake. 

Hermione then scoffed at her thoughts. Why the hell should she even care? He was never nice to her and loathed her. Same with Draco… _What the actual fuck was I thinking?’_ Hermione turned on the faucet to splash water on her face. She wanted to laugh at herself, she wanted to punch the mirror and make her knuckles bleed. She wanted to punish herself for making such a scene. 

 _‘Why must I open my mouth and ruin everything? I should have just let Draco and Professor Snape leave.’_ She remembered the look of disgust on Dracos face when he realized he had fallen asleep in the same bed as her. _‘It’s not like we did anything.’_ She should have just woken him up so he could sleep in his own bed.  _‘Perhaps he wanted to torment me and make me out to be a fool. If only I shut my mouth.'_  

At that moment Hermione looked in the mirror and vowed to not speak unless being addressed. She was curious if anyone would even notice or even speak to her. By the time the end of the year would come, she would have lost her voice. Hermione smiled to herself. She began making rules in her head, first one being, professors wouldn't count. If they asked her a question in class she would answer, they were not engaging in an actual conversation with her. The thought of Professor McGonagall came up. Hermione would have to engage in a conversation with the woman. Hermione dismissed the thought with the fact that McGonagall was just doing her job, so she wouldn't count either. But, what if people stopped her in the halls to ask her if she was all right or ask how she was feeling? People who never had a good reason to talk to her until now. Would they count? Or maybe no one will even ask.She knew she was being childish, but she didn't know what else to do. She didn't know how to act in front of people anymore. Atleast she had her journal if she needed to talk to someone. She wondered if she got a reply yet. Perhaps she would check later today, and pour her little heart out if she needed to. Hermione sighed, she would have to go back to class and face everyone again. It was comfortable being quiet and watching what was going on around her. Yet, people took that as being a snob and with that thought Hermione frowned.

 _‘If I had just stayed in the shower room, I could have been at peace right now.’_ Tears trickled down Hermiones cheek as she looked at herself in the mirror again.

It’s not as if she was the easiest person to be around. Ginny had made that clear throughout the year at the Burrow. Perhaps one day Ginny could forgive her for being such a terrible person. If people saw her as an empty shell, then that is what they will get. _‘To hell with it and to hell with them all.’_ As soon as she graduated, she could have her own life. Perhaps she could move to North America and start all over, or maybe go backpacking all over Europe, or go to the Amazons. She could even travel around the world and learn about the ways of other witches and wizards. She read how some witches and wizarding schools didn’t even use wands to cast magic. There was so much out there she didn’t know. But as of now, she had to get through this dreadful school year. She had eight months till she could tread forward and never look back. Perhaps then she could find out who she was and discover this person no one seems to know. For once, Hermione was letting herself dream of a future where she could be free. 


	9. Scapegoat

###### It’s not as if she was the easiest person to be around. Ginny had made that clear throughout the year at the Burrow. Perhaps one day Ginny could forgive her for being such a terrible person. If people saw her as an empty shell, then that is what they will get. ‘To hell with it and to hell with them all.’ As soon as she graduated, she could have her own life. Perhaps she could move to North America and start all over, or maybe go backpacking all over Europe, or go to the Amazons. She could even travel around the world and learn about the ways of other witches and wizards. She read how some witches and wizarding schools didn’t even use wands to cast magic. There was so much out there she didn’t know. But as of now, she had to get through this dreadful school year. She had eight months till she could tread forward and never look back. Perhaps then she could find out who she was and discover this person no one seems to know. For once, Hermione was letting herself dream of a future where she could be free. 

Hermione jumped at the sound of someone knocking at the bathroom door, she immediately turned off the tap, smoothed out her unruly hair and swung the door open as she dragged herself back to bed.Snape and Draco were nowhere in sight, with that in mind, Hermione let out a sigh of relief.  She waited for Madam Pomfrey to give her, her potions so she could start her day. But instead of making her way to the hall for breakfast, Hermione's priority was having a nice long shower, she had to get Dracos now dried saliva out of her hair. Even though she now had to use the public showers, it was still early enough on a Saturday morning that no one would be up to see her. She snuck back into the tower to drop off her finished homework and to grab everything she would need for the day. 

After a brief shower and using a drying spell Hermione pulled on her favorite laced emerald green long-sleeved shirt, along with a simple pair of faded black jeans, and a cable knitted crimson red infinity scarf that coiled around her neck. She did her hair up in a french plait bun to help tame her hair and moved on to put on to makeup. With a touch of nude lipstick and mascara, she found herself still charming her face to appear healthier. She did, however, notice that she looked well rested and her skin looked less pale. 

With her last finishing touches, Hermione made her way back to the Gryffindor tower to drop off her toiletries. There were a few people hanging around the common room giving her a considering glance, only to have Hermione brush them off as she flung herself out of the tower. She wasn't exactly ecstatic about meeting up with McGonagall. Hermione pondered how she felt about everything that had happened and was rather unsure about it all. Her heart plundered at the thought of not being a prefect or head girl anymore. It was one of the few things that kept her distracted from the busy world around her; it gave her pride and reassurance she was doing a decent job. But now, even that had been taken from her. Will people pity her? Will they laugh at her? Hermione worried her lip as she walked into the hall. Relieved that there were only a few people scattered amongst the hall and only a handful of Gryffindors that sat at the table. She kept her eyes on the ground as she found a spot away from everyone else. With the assorted food that had been offered, Hermione filled her plate with fruit, scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. It should have been an easy task to eat a decent meal that morning, but her mind drifted back to the event that took place earlier that wretched day while shame pulsed through her veins. She could never let what happened go. 

Hermione tried to think of what she could do for the rest of the day to help fade the events in the hospital wing. She could find an empty classroom after her meeting with McGonagall. Not only would she be avoiding curiosity among her classmates, but she would also catch up on her homework, away from prying eyes. The library used to be her safe haven, but now, it made her uneasy. Too many people were there and classmates always asked her questions when all they had to do is open a book to find the questions for themselves. She wasn't their professor. They were all capable of reading and learning for themselves. Not to mention that if half of them paid attention in class, they would already know the answers to their questions. There was a time where she loved showing off her knowledge and answering every question, but now, she much rathered keeping to herself. She wasn't at Hogwarts to make friends anymore. She just wanted to graduate and get the hell out. 

Looking around, she found Draco sitting at the other side of the hall, also eating by himself. She wondered why she didn't notice him walk in. For a moment he also looked up with his icy grey eyes and flashed a devious smile at her. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued playing with her food. She took a few bites from each food group and made sure to not glance up at the head table. If she saw Snape, she would surely die. With all the nutrition that was coursing through her body, it made her even less hungry. Some potions even made her queasy and sick to her stomach. She glanced back up to find Draco still smirking at her. Hermione glared at the ferret as she considered punching that smirk off his smug little face. Her attention was pulled from Draco when two young female Hufflepuffs in fifth-year tapped on Hermiones' shoulder. 

"Hey Hermione," one spoke.   
"We wanted to say you look really great," The other one spoke.   
"Yeah, we wanted to know what your secret is."   
"My secret?" Hermione asked cautiously.  
"Well, I mean you are so thin and perfect. What's your secret?"  
"Yeah, like, do you only stick to a specific diet?"  
"Do you exercise?"   
"If so, what exercises?"  
"Or, are you a vegetarian?"  
"Or, do you count your calories?" one of them added.   
Hermiones face expression dropped. She didn't even know them well, she vaguely remembered seeing them in the halls while going to her classes, but besides that, she didn't know them. She was dumbfounded with what she had heard. They obviously didn’t know how she was seconds away from death and she wouldn’t be alive today is she wasn’t at the right place at the right time. Anger strangled her mind as she looked at the two Hufflepuffs in disgust. But they should know that she was in the hospital wing for a whole bloody week! Or did people not notice her presence? There was absolutely nothing attractive about her body and here stood two young witches who wondered how she got so thin. _'What the actual fuck.'_ They had to have been muggle born. Muggles where known to gawk at the girls on paper magazines, who were, by the way, not real. Technology in the muggle world was getting to the point that they were modifying a womans' body. Hermione wanted to scream and slap sense into the two younger girls. What the hell is she to say? Hermione snapped her mouth closed and glared at the two girls and waited for them to shift uncomfortably as they waited for an answer.   
"I suggest that you get your eyes checked if seeing my distress is so _desirable_. Then, I would recommend psychological therapy." Hermione spat with distaste. The girls' faces changed from curiosity to having their eyeballs popping out of their heads and their jaws hanging wide open for flies to fly in. 

With that, Hermione got up, grabbed a piece of fruit from the table and walked in between the two Hufflepuffs. Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered what it was like when her body was shutting down from being malnourished. How her chest burned with fire and how she had to fight for every. Single. Breath. It was terrifying. She really thought she was dying that day. She remembered the look in McGonagall's eyes when she had fallen to the stone floor. How the older woman lifted her face so their eyes could meet. It was as if McGonagall saw right through her and saw how far she had fallen. She didn't want to air out her dirty laundry, but, what the girls had asked her was inappropriate and it infuriated her. Tears slid down her cheeks as she burst out of the hall. _‘Damn them all.’_

Little did Hermione notice, a platinum-haired Slytherin was following her from a distance. He had watched the whole display between the Gryffindor and the two Hufflepuffs,  it didn't take a genius to know Granger was not happy. He didn't exactly care of what took place, though, he would be lying if he said it didn‘t graze his interest. Draco wanted to confront Granger. After what he had seen this morning in the medical wing, he knew this was no longer the buck-toothed frizzy-haired know-it-all he had always known. He would take her up on her offer, that is, if it still stood. If it didn't then he would find ways to infuriate Granger. Perhaps he found his new plaything, perhaps not, but she had his attention now. Not that he found himself infatuated with Hermione, no, he wasn't sure what it was but he was going to find out. 

It didn't take long till Granger sensed that she was being followed. She spun around with her hand ready to pull out her wand. Her eyes were hardened and full of anger just like he had seen earlier that morning. Draco smirked till he was only an arms reach from her.   
"What do you want _ferret_?" Hermione had ice in her voice.   
"Merlin Granger, you're in a delightful mood today. What happened? You wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Draco said in a mocking tone.  
"Something like that," Hermione raised her eyebrows with a scowl on her face.   
"I wanted to see if your offer still stood" Draco pulled his eyes from Granger and looked around the hall. Making sure no one was around to listen into their conversation.   
"If my offer still stood?" Hermione scoffed with unbelief.  
"What are you up to Malfoy and what do you want?" She then added.  
"Hmm, what do I want? That is a good question." Draco chewed on the thought for a moment before proceeding.   
"I need a scapegoat, Granger."   
"You need a scapegoat,” Hermione repeated with desbelief.   
"Perhaps you will need one too, therefore I have come up with an idea that will benefit us both." Draco gave Granger another unpleasant smile.   
"And tell me, how is it going to be beneficial for me if you use me as a scapegoat?" Hermione cocked her head to the side. Draco gave her a knowing smile before raising his eyebrows.  
"Let us say you can use me at your advantage, and I can use you at my advantage. If, for an example, you were asked to be somewhere at a certain time, you could decline because you made 'plans' that day with me. Or, if one asked me to study with them and I didn't feel like answering all their stupid questions, I could say that I have made other plans studying with someone else."   
"That has to be the dumbest idea I have ever heard," Hermione rolled her eyes.  
"But it will work. You can't tell me that people will not try to 'reach' out because they 'care' Granger. You said so yourself, you and I are not that different. We can use each other as a scapegoat when one needs a way out."   
"What makes you think I need a way out? I'm doing fine avoiding people on my own."   
"You're the one that offered to help Granger, I didn't think you were the type to back out on your own words." Draco sneered  
"Did Professor Snape put you up to this?"   
"Snape knows nothing, Granger, this is between you and I. Besides, what makes you think Snape could ever care for a know-it-all Gryffindor?" Draco snorted.   
"Fine," Hermione said with a huff. She set down her beaded purse and dug around for her grey sweater.   
"Glad to have you on board," Draco gave Hermione a nod as he looked around the hall. He waited for two students to walk past them before he continued.   
"I'll need you tomorrow at the dungeons after lunch for studying,"   
"Why do you need a scapegoat tomorrow? Let me guess, you don't want confrontation? Or is your godfather worried that you can't keep your hands to yourself and you can't make friends anymore?" Hermione asked innocently as she pulled on her oversized sweater over her figure. Draco raised his eyebrows at her, she wasn't sure why. But a smile grew on his face as he watched her.   
"Rule one, you need not to know the intimate details of why I need a scapegoat, nor I with you."   
"Sounds reasonable. Fine, I'll do it. But I swear to Merlin, _Draco_ , if you make an ass out of me in front of the whole school, you will be sorry."   
"See you around Granger," Draco muttered as he left Hermione standing alone in the hallway. 

Hermione shook her head in disbelief and rolled her eyes. She wasn't sure what she got herself into but it couldn't be good. She twirled around and continued to make her way to McGonagall. 

The meeting with McGonagall was simple, and it relieved Hermione that McGonagall didn't keep her too long. The conversation was more based on her wellbeing and Poppys' plan to get her healthy again. Hermione did nothing but nod and ignore the stirring that was going on in her chest. She was eighteen years old (technically twenty) and was being reminded how to take care of herself, nothing was more humiliating than that. 

Minerva pressed her lips tightly and her face softened as she looked at the young woman from across the desk. She wanted to believe that Granger would get better, but part of her worried that Granger would do anything just to get by so she could graduate from Hogwarts. What would the girl do then after she graduated? She was a bright witch after all. She would be wasting her talent if she decided to go to the ministry to just put away files. Minerva couldn't see Granger being an auror. Perhaps one day she would ask Granger her plans where after Hogwarts. 

Even Severus wondered about his godson and his future. After the year he had with Draco, he had seen too much to brush off his godson. It was nice to see the boy caring about someone else, but even then, Minerva worried about Severus. The moment she found out about Severus' home life when he was nothing but a child, she had a spark of the mother hen that clucked inside her. Ever since, she had always had an eye on the boy. She feared their battle would have strained their relationship, but if anything Minerva had greater respect for Severus than she ever had. 

She knew she couldn't hover over the witch. Granger would have to open up on her own accord, but for now, her meetings with the young witch would ensure peace of mind. Minerva let Granger get on with her day so she could catch up on her weeks worth of homework. Until the next meeting, Minerva wished Granger well, and with that, they parted ways. 

Hermione made her way around the castle until she found an empty classroom. Most of the time the classrooms were locked and warded, though, to her own discovery, Professor Binns' classroom was usually never locked or warded. How could a ghost lock up and ward a classroom anyway? She dug through her bag as she grabbed her textbooks, quill and parchment paper. She would spend the rest of the day finishing up her essays and studying for the exam for Dark Arts on Monday. Time flew by as she finished essay after essay. When she had finished her homework she made sure to re-read chapters and get studying done. That is until her stomach complained that she checked the time. Hermiones jaw dropped as her face went blank, supper had just begun. Stuffing her books and essays carefully into her bag, Hermione ran out of the room to make it to supper on time. 

As she walked into the hall, she took a seat furthest from people. She looked over at her options before she decided what she would put on her plate.   
“Scapegoat,” Hermione jumped as she heard someone whisper in her ear. Her heart was pounding furiously when she looked over at Draco smirking down at her.   
“Don’t. Ever. Do. That.” Hermione said with her hand on her heaving chest.   
Draco shrugged as he grabbed her beaded purse and walked away. Hermione looked down at her table to see that people were staring at her and whispering to one another. Rolling her eyes she got up and followed Draco, she walked as fast as she could till she was by his side.   
“What are you doing?” Hermione seethed as she reached for her bag. Draco moved the bag from one hand to the other as he walked towards the other side of the hall. He had long elegant strides, as for Hermione, she was almost running to stay by his side.   
“We made an agreement, Granger,” Draco said flatly.   
“Yes, well I don‘t know if you have noticed, but I was trying to eat.”  
“How fortunate that you have finally decided to eat something today,” Draco rolled his eyes.   
He sat himself down in the middle section of the Slytherin table. Hermione looked around to see the Slytherins gawking at her before they muttered amongst themselves. Glancing up, she saw that she even had Snapes’ attention.   
“Draco, I would like to have my purse back,” Hermione hissed.   
Draco dished the plate beside him as he continued to ignore her. Hermione could feel her cheeks growing flush as people continued to steal glances at her. With a loud huff, Hermione sat down beside Draco and glared at the plate that he had dished up for her. It was a heaping mountain of food.   
“If you’re going to be my scapegoat, I need to make sure you’re reliable,” Draco muttered quiet enough for only her to hear. Hermione raised her eyebrows and stared at Dracos plate as he hadn’t dished himself up yet. Without thought, Hermione reached over Draco to grab his plate to pile food onto his plate. She didn’t have to glance up to know the funny looks they were getting. This was the petty side of the Hermione that she didn't even know about, but considering it was Draco, she hardly cared.   
“Bon appétit,” Hermione sputtered as she tossed his plate in front of him.

Not only did he not complain or make any snide remarks, he simply ate what she had put on his plate. He had to be up to something. Hermione soon followed in his footsteps and ate what he put in front of her. Of course, there was no possibilty that she could eat all the food on her plate, she wasn’t Ron. 

They both sat in silence as they picked away at the remainder of their food. The rest of the Slytherin house gave each other curious glances as the muggle-born witch sat with the snakes. Snape, on the other hand, dragged his eyes over the hall, though his eyes stagnantly returned to his house. There he saw his godson eating with Miss Granger. He continued to observe the reaction of his snakes, they too were unsure what to make of Grangers’ presence. He could tell that Granger wasn’t fond at sitting at the table, Draco must have twisted the girls’ arm to make her sit with at the Slytherin table. Snape stabbed his food with his fork as he continued to watch his house. 

###### 

“My purse,” Hermione demanded as she pushed her plate back.  
“I love that you’re sporting the Slytherin colors, Granger. Green is a nice color on you,” Draco said as he shoved her purse into her arms with a taunting grin.

Hermiones’ face twisted as she swung her legs over the bench and made her way out of the hall. As she left, she knew eyes were following her as she disappeared behind the doors.  
_‘That had to have been one of the most awkward meals I have ever had! That and having to eat with the Weasleys after I broke it off with Ron.’_ Hermione scoffed as she Looked down at her outfit.  
_‘No wonder Draco wanted her to eat with him. Why did this not occur to me till now? He is such a git.’_ Rolling her eyes, Hermione decided she would call it an early night and get ready for bed. She felt exhausted after a day of finishing a weeks' worth of homework. 

Once Hermione was ready for bed, she climbed into her familiar bed and closed the curtains closed. Though her eyelids felt heavy, she wanted to check her journal and see if she got a response. Flipping open her journal she found a new entry with neat handwriting. 

_Secret Keeper,_  
_I have never had the slightest inclination nor the desire to share my thoughts with anyone. As scintillating as this journal may be, I do not think writing entries in a journal and taking advantage of the anonymity that these journals provide is something one should rely on to keep oneself sane. I must admit, I find your words unusual and has kindled my interest to explore the opportunities these journals offer. I must warn you, I have my own responsibilities and my own studies, however, when the time comes when I have a moment to myself I will offer you what I see fit. Under any circumstances, I will not reveal my identity to you, just as you will not reveal your identity. I do not seek pointless conversation, nor do I tolerate self-pity. Life is not fair, henceforth, I would encourage you to find people who don't compare you to an empty shell. I have lost count of how many people I know that has changed since the war.  
I have seen those eyes you have seen, friend and foe. Take heed, the images will never leave. It is imminent that you will see their deaths as you continue to walk the halls of the castle. I also see the places where their bodies lay. The day you leave, perhaps then, it will somewhat ease your mind. I can't guarantee it will get easier with time, time is more of a concealer, the scars will fade but they will remain. One does not fight a war and come out of it unchanged. We all were tested with fire, refined and reshaped._

_Secret Keeper_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly... I haven't really gone back to edit much but I promise I will go back and correct my awkward writing. I made sure to write a bit more for you guys to make up for not posting last week. Two chapters in one <3 Any ways.. Let me know what you think of this chapter. I have been waiting for this scene since I first started writing this fanfic. (I honestly didn't think about putting Draco in till chapter 3 or 4.. I just so happened to give him an introduction in chapter 2) 
> 
> Any ways.. this is when you guys can come in and start recommending screnarios. I think this chapter has drawn a picture of what Hermione and Dracos 'scapegoat' relationship is going to be like for the first bit. I have a few ideas but, I'm open to hearing other ideas. Cheers!


	10. Star-Crossed Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hurt - Nine Inch Nails_   
>  _Holly Henry Cover_   
>  _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tesw4HqrLOo_
>
>>   
> I hurt myself today  
> To see if I still feel  
> I focus on the pain  
> The only thing that's real
>> 
>> The needle tears a hole  
> The old familiar sting  
> Try to kill it all away  
> But I remember everything
>> 
>> What have I become  
> My sweetest friend  
> Everyone I know  
> Goes away in the end
>> 
>> And you could have it all  
> My empire of dirt  
> I will let you down  
> I will make you hurt
>> 
>> I wear this crown of shit  
> Upon my liars chair  
> Full of broken thoughts  
> I cannot repair
>> 
>> Beneath the stains of time  
> The feelings disappear  
> You are someone else  
> I am still right here
>> 
>> What have I become  
> My sweetest friend  
> Everyone I know  
> Goes away in the end
>> 
>> And you could have it all  
> My empire of dirt  
> I will let you down  
> I will make you hurt
>> 
>> If I could start again  
> A million miles away  
> I will keep myself  
> I would find a way  
> 

###### 

__

##### Secret Keeper, 

__

##### I have never had the slightest inclination nor the desire to share my thoughts with anyone. As scintillating as this journal may be, I do not think writing entries in a journal and taking advantage of the anonymity that these journals provide is something one should rely on to keep oneself sane. I must admit, I find your words unusual and has kindled my interest to explore the opportunities these journals offer. I must warn you, I have my own responsibilities and my own studies, however, when the time comes when I have a moment to myself I will offer you what I see fit. Under any circumstances, I will not reveal my identity to you, just as you will not reveal your identity. I do not seek pointless conversation, nor do I tolerate self-pity. Life is not fair, henceforth, I would encourage you to find people who don't compare you to an empty shell. I have lost count of how many people I know that has changed since the war. I have seen those eyes you have seen, friend and foe. Take heed, the images will never leave. It is imminent that you will see their deaths as you continue to walk the halls of the castle. I also see the places where their bodies lay. The day you leave, perhaps then, it will somewhat ease your mind. I can't guarantee it will get easier with time, time is more of a concealer, the scars will fade but they will remain. One does not fight a war and come out of it unchanged. We all were tested with fire, refined and reshaped. 

__

#####  Secret Keeper.

__

###### 

__

 

_Dear Secret Keeper,  
To depend on a silly journal for a response from a perfect stranger so I can keep sane is rather an interesting notion. Though I must say that I do find some humor in your writing even if it was not implied. I don’t believe I have much sanity left, if any at all. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t be writing in this journal at all, but since you have written back, I now may have a reason to write. Before, I wasn’t sure why I was writing at all. I was beginning to think that no one found the twin of this journal. In all honesty, I’m fulfilling a promise that I would talk to someone, even if that someone is a stranger. That's where you come into the picture I suppose, and I hope you too will exercise the freedom these journals provide. _

_As for discovering other individuals who don’t view me as an empty shell, I would find that proposition to be impractical. Until the day I graduate and run out these doors, I am none the less a prisoner to my demise. I would like to think of myself as no one essential; I don’t enjoy taking much of anyones' time, nor do I enjoy partaking in ones’ involvement. I just want to be left alone. Of course, you may think that as self-pity, but until recently I have started to look forward to leaving Hogwarts. I can leave everything behind and push forward. I used to think that Hogwarts was a place of endless possibilities, but as of now, I look at it as a place that will equip me so I may have infinite possibilities one day._

_I have told no one my plans after I graduate (I won’t tell you when, because then you would know what year I am in) but in all honesty, I want to know what it is like to live. I want to see life beyond the castle doors, learn the ways of magic from other countries, and just breathe for once in my life. I don’t see the world with color anymore. It has lost its glint; it has lost its awe factor, and it has lost its elegance. Perhaps I am desensitized by it all, but I do hope that once I graduate I can rediscover the world around me. It is an odd idea to know that we no longer have to hide to survive. We no longer have to worry about Voldemort or death eaters._

_But till that day, I have nothing but hope to encounter others who can accept me for who I am now because they will have no idea of who I was then. Not that I don’t mind people remembering who I was, but as you have mentioned, we were all tried with fire and refined. I would like to think my predicament is more of enlightenment of the changing times. With that being said, I have found a new way to see the world and I hope to find comfort in the change of those around me._

_Anyway, I have written enough of my pathetic little life. I simply wish you well for the coming days of your responsibilities and duties, whatever that may be. Tomorrow will be another bloody Monday. A day to return to class and face snarky professors, idiotic classmates, and unneeded company. Not to mention avoiding stupid people at all costs. Though I do that on a daily basis. Which now draws me to the conclusion that may be one of the reasons why I am constantly exhausted. I am getting off topic, as I was saying, may you find strength for the long ass days ahead of you. Till your next entry, enjoy your Sunday._

_Secret Keeper._

__

###### 

Hermione rolled her eyes as she swiftly made her way to the dungeons. So far she had gone all day barely talking to anyone. Neville, of course, said hello to her that morning and wondered how she felt. Hermione caught Ginny staring at her only too see Ginny quickly look the other way as she continued to banter to her friends about quidditch. Luna gave her a card and began to caution Hermione that nargles were flying too close to her aura. With that, Hermione put on her smile and thanked Luna for the card. Hermione admired the handmade card and loved keeping things that were handmade. Though Hermione loved the card Luna had made, she wasn’t sure what Luna had painted on the card. To ones’ keen eye, one would have thought of it as finger painting, muggles would call it abstract, but to Hermione, she saw it as a lovely gesture. The colors faded from dark forest green, gold and then black. It looked as if she had grabbed a paintbrush and splattered silver all over it. In the center of the card there was a bright orange pimpernel flower in the center. Hermione gave Luna a hug and let Luna to continue her lecture of nargles. Hermione let out a long sigh. She was going to waste a beautiful sunny fall afternoon with a ferret and out of all places they could have met, it had to be the dungeons. It was half an hour later that Hermione found herself seething as she paced back and forth in the hall. _He stood me up!_ Hermoine stopped and leaned against the wall. A few Slytherins had passed her while exchanging curious glances at her. _'Of course he stood me up! He probably wanted to go brag to his Slytherin friends that he stood me up for a study date,_ Hermione shook her head. Suddenly she looked up to see Draco walking towards her.

“Hope you weren’t waiting too long,” he pressed as he walked past the glaring Gryffindor.    
“I was just about to leave actually,” Hermione hissed as she caught up Draco.   
“Wouldn’t want to waste your precious time now would we?” Draco mocked.  
Soon Draco and Hermione were standing in front of Snapes classroom, Draco gave Hermione a coy smile before knocking at the door.   
“We are studying in here?” She asked in disbelief.  
“Enter,” a monotone voice spoke from the otherside of the door as Draco opened the door for Hermione. 

“Where else would we study Granger?” Draco asked loud enough for his godfather to hear.    
“Oh I don't know, the library perhaps?”  
“Oh, and you’ve been studying in the library as of late?”  
“You’ve been spying on me?” Hermione nearly shrieked in her quiet voice.  
“Merely an observation Granger, don’t get your knickers in a bunch,” 

Draco then lowered his voice and dropped his gaze while he leaned into Hermiones ear. “Besides, what’s the fun in studying in a library when we can have fun studying here while being graced with my godfathers' presence?” 

Hermione opened her mouth to say something when a drawling voice pulled their attention from each other. 

“You either are coming in, or you are not. As such, I do not find the need to have any distractions, nor do I need star-crossed teenagers confessing their undying love in the doorway of my classroom,” Snape growled. 

Draco motioned Hermione to enter the classroom as Draco watched with amusement when Hermione let out a huff of air, stuck her nose in the air and entered the dungeons. Draco followed her pursuit as he greeted his godfather.    
“Uncle,” Draco nodded while dismissing Snapes’ blood curdling glare.

Professor Snape was expecting his godson that afternoon and for good reasons, had not been expecting Miss Granger to accompany him. Judging by the _private_ conversation they had in the doorway, she made it rather obvious she did not want to be in a classroom with the two ex-death eaters. Perhaps it never dawned on Miss Granger that he had listening charms all throughout his classroom. Even though the girl was frantically whispering to Draco, to the natural ear one couldn’t hear what she had said, but he had heard everything.  Snape observed Miss Granger sitting in her usual corner in the back of the room looking more annoyed when Draco had taken a seat beside her. A smug smile stretched upon Dracos’ face while Miss Granger hid her scowl behind a Dark Arts library book. Draco slid out his books and notes as he looked complacent as a cat who caught the canary. Rolling his eyes, he went back to marking third-grade essays as the only noise that seemed to compliment the silence was Snapes’ angry quill scratching the surface of the parchment and paper being shuffled from one pile to the next. For obvious reasons, Snape never paid much attention to student affairs. He couldn’t care less who held Dracos interest, if anything he encouraged it. Out of anyone he would rather waste his time with, it had to be Miss Granger. It did not take a genius to know that Draco was absolutely tickled pink with Miss Grangers’ honest reaction towards his person and if anyone would not feed him bullshit, it was Miss Granger. Snapes’ lips slightly tugged upward as he recalled the cheek of Miss Granger, so far, she did not seem to hesitate to talk back to him. Nor did she care to hold back her opinions in that case. A wicked idea sparked in the Professors’ mind as he continued to dismantle another third years essay. Miss Grangers’ voice danced in his head as he looked up to observe his two students studying quietly in his classroom. 

###### 

_“I know to address you in that manner might be a week worth of detention,” Hermione said as she let out a quiet snort. “Guess you will never know.”_

______

“I’m tired Professor,” Snape remembered Miss Granger say in a strained voice. It was then when he remembered the weak state of her mind and took advantage to listen to her thoughts once again.   
“I want to sleep,” Hermione confirmed. With that statement, Snape tightened his grip around Hermione as he ran up the stairs. He wasn’t going to let this witch die on him, especially when she didn’t let him die. It was only fair that she got the taste of her own medicine as well as he was repaying his life debt to her and after this, they would be even.   
   
“You will do no such thing, Miss Granger. Do I make myself clear?” Snape snapped. He could hear a soft snort coming from the girl, she obviously found him to be amusing.   
“Are you going to give me detention if I do?” She whispered between each breath with a weak smile.   
“One point from Griffyndor,” He growled with a slight smirk on his face.   
“For cheek,” He added.   
Hermione retorted in her head as Snape managed to hold the Granger girl tighter to his chest.   
“Indeed,” he replied coolly.   
‘You bastard,’  Hermione thought, ‘Of course you would take this opportune time to get in my head,’  
Snape smirked as he continued to encourage the girl.   
“I was not aware you wanted a week worth of detention Miss Granger, keep it up and I will grant that wish,” Snape chided.   
‘Here I lay in your arms dying and you’re threatening me with detention? You sir, are a greasy git,’ Hermione shot back.

###### 

The scene in the hospital wing replayed in his head as he sat in his chair scheming. She told him off, perhaps attempted to put him in his place, although that conclusion had made him all the more angrier. Of course, he had let her walk away. He saw the regret in Miss Grangers’ eyes when she stopped and realized what she had said and done. She couldn't even look him the eyes after what she had said, which left him once again dumbfounded as to why. _'What would make any student think to speak to a Professor that way?'_ Snape had shifted his eyes to Miss Granger and tapped his finger on the desk as he continued to recall her defiance. 

_‘What would give you the smallest inkling to treat me as your equal? Have I stooped to your level for you to see me in such a way? Perhaps a small reminder that you are still a student at Hogwarts is due, oh, yes, I can have fun with this. Let us see how cheeky you are once you serve a couple weeks of detention,’_ A devilish crooked grin grew on Snapes face when Miss Granger looked up from her library book to witness the horrid look on his face, she immediately glanced back down at her text and continued to try to ignore him. _‘She knows,’_ Snape concluded as he looked back down to mark essays _‘Oh, she knows,’_ Snape sang as he then found himself waiting for the two star-crossed lovers to finish studying. He already knew what he would have her do, all he had to do was wait to give Miss Granger the grand news that she had been patiently waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
> Hey guys, so, it's been a while. I've been really struggling lately. Probably the only good thing going for me right now is that I am 15 weeks pregnant now and Bean is as big as an Apple! I somehow have gotten this far. Besides that I am beginning to go back and edit some chapters. I will be editing this chapter too in a bit. I just wanted to get this up before I lose anymore motivation. I Hope all is well.  
>  @oh.her.mind on instagram if you want to see me get fat. <3  
> oh-her-mind.tumblr.com for encouragement if you too are a writer. xoxo
> 
> Please review or comment! It really helps to know if this story is worth writing or if I should scrap it.. I’m a bit discouraged at the moment. Also if you have any ideas or suggestions I would love to hear them.


	11. When the impossible Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >    
> Run fast  
> Run away  
> Run straight into the loneliness  
> It isn’t only home I miss  
> Like the night all my friends got together  
> Heard about it afterwards  
> Didn’t think was gunna hurt so much
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> Why if I'm doing so well  
> Did I build a wall between me and the world
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> Been drilled in my head forever  
> Be better  
> Turns out I’m just like everybody else  
> Don’t even go near a mirror  
> It’ll kill ya  
> Trust me you don’t wanna see yourself
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> Fuck the noise  
> It’s too late  
> It's the choices  
> Now I don’t even wanna be someone  
> What made me think I was special  
> I’m not special  
> Turns out I’m like everybody else
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> That’s nice  
> Champagne  
> What a shame it doesn’t work on me  
> So don’t go wasting your money  
> Everybody in this room is too hard, too pretty  
> I’m tired  
> I just wanna be nobody
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> Been drilled in my head forever  
> Be better  
> Turns out I’m just like everybody else  
> Don’t even go near a mirror  
> It’ll kill ya  
> Trust me you don’t wanna see yourself
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> Fuck the noise  
> It’s too late  
> It's the choices  
> Now I don’t even wanna be someone  
> What made me think I was special  
> I’m not special  
> Turns out I’m like everybody else
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> What made me think I was special  
> I’m not special  
> Turns out I’m like everybody else
>> 
>>  
> 
> __
> 
> _-Lennon Stella - Like Everybody Else_

Hermione hurled herself out of Snapes classroom as Draco sought after her through the dungeon halls as the smirk on his face dwindled down to nothing but a slight frown on his face. He watched the witches’ head bob up and down with each step she took as she tried to further herself from the Slytherin. Draco didn’t see what the big deal was with having two weeks' worth of detention with Snape, but then again, Granger was definitely not used to serving detention, well, two weeks' worth anyway. With a quiet snort he watched Granger continue to distance herself from the prying Slytherin, though, she did not get much distance with her short legs. Though, with only a few long strides, Draco soon found himself walking beside the huffing Gryffindor.

“We had our little study session, I would hope that you have what you wanted, Draco. Now, I would appreciate it if you would please leave me alone to my own devices,” Hermione spat as she made a sharp turn into the main hallway.   
“Oh please, Granger, you can’t be mad that Snape gave you detention. He gives everyone detentions,” Draco rolled his eyes with a slight shrug. With that, he took a sharp step in front of Hermione and stopped her dead in her tracks with a sly smile.   
“It’s _Professor_ Snape, now if you don’t mind, I have places to go,” Hermione retorted as she attempted to take a step aside to walk around the Ferret.   
“As in, you have places to go so you can mope and feel sorry for yourself? Seriously, you Gryffindors call yourselves brave but any moment someone challenges you sulk,” Draco poked as he took a step block Hermione from walking any further.   
“Oh yes, because I want to go to the tower and _‘sulk’_ , honestly what is with you?” Hermione hissed as she began to feel herself getting more and more impatient.   
“Maybe I want to give you some advice on how to win this little infatuation you have with Professor Snape,” Dracos’ smile widened as he watched Hermiones jaw clench.   
“You’re touched in the head Ferret, there is not even a slight trace of infatuation with that impossible man,” Hermione seethed through her teeth as her eye twitched.   
“If you say so Granger, but if I must remind you that Slytherin men do have a way of… how do I put this lightly? Hmm, I guess one could say  _Slythering-in_ ,” Draco mocked with another crooked smirk.   
“What is that supposed to mean?” Hermione grimaced as she stared at the silver-eyed Slytherin.   
“You’ll understand one day,” Draco cooed and patted Granger on the shoulder sympathetically.  
After waiting a few moments, Hermione raised her textbook to smack Draco in the head as he raised his forearm to prevent her from hitting his head.   
“You sick, twisted, perverted little fuck,” Hermione bashed her textbook against his forearm repeatedly as Draco belted out with wild laughter at her pathetic attempts.  
“Jeez, do you not have a sense of humor at all Granger? Perhaps, you just need to, you know, loosen up,” Draco then winked as Hermione smacked him once more.   
“You‘re disgusting Malfoy, you really are,”    
“Tell me something I don’t already know Granger,” Draco sneered as he grabbed the textbook out of Hermiones’ hands.   
“Besides, you out of all people should know that textbooks are for reading, not beating people with it. Seriously, Granger, _‘the brightest witch of our time’_ should know that better than anyone,” Draco scoffed as he smiled darkly while he watched the frizzy haired witch grow more red by the moment.  
Hermione let out a long drawn-out huff as she reached for her textbook.   
“Just give it back Draco,”   
“Why should I if you are going to beat me with it?”   
“I will beat you with something else if you don’t give it back,” Hermione hissed as she reached for the textbook once more only to have Draco dodge her reach and move the textbook to his other hand.   
“I don’t think I’ll mind Granger, go on then, let's have it. You're all bark and no bite,” Draco taunted.   
Granger then grabbed her wand and pointed the wand at Draco with a feral look in her eyes, giving Draco a moment to smile with wild amusement till he glanced up from behind Hermione.  
“Miss Granger, must I have to remind you that threatening another student with their wands is not tolerated at this school? Or perhaps you deliberately think you are above the school rules like Potter? Tut-tut, I think another week added to your detentions to remind you of our rules is at hand,” The familiar drawling voice pierced Hermiones ears as she spun around with flushed cheeks .   
“Sir,” Hermione squeeked with clenched her jaws as she looked up to the brooding potion master. His cold hardened eyes held her gaze as he studied the Gryffindor student infront of him.    
“Fifty points from Gryffindor for threatening a student in the hallway Miss Granger. I expect you in the dungeons tomorrow at six sharp,” Snape snarled as his lips curled in distaste as Draco paled as a result.  
“Yes sir,” Hermione pulled her eyes from the professor to his feet as her eyes began to prickle and threaten the situation with tears.

 _‘This day has gone from tolerable to complete shit in a matter of minutes,’_ Hermione thought as the familiar heaviness began to pour itself back into the bottom of Hermiones chest. The dire feeling of hopelessness crept back making itself into its usual nesting place in the unbearable feelings that were bubbling back up. 

From that moment, everything became a blur as Hermione turned on her heel and walked away from the two Slytherins. She didn’t care if Professor Snape had more to say; she didn’t care if Malfoy had her library book; she didn’t care anymore if she had to serve the rest of the school year with that impossible man. _‘I just can’t handle this anymore, I don’t want to feel this way anymore, why do I even try?,’_ Hermione thought to herself as people in the hallways seemed to move slowly as she blasted through the hallways to bring herself to the Gryffindor tower. As she turned another corner, her body slammed against another persons. 

“I’m so sorry,” Hermione gushed as she looked up to find Neville stumbling back and placing his hand on the wall to balance himself from the blow.   
“Well Ello there ‘Mione,” Neville smiled breathlessly.   
“Neville! I didn’t even see you there,” Hermione looked at him apologetically.  
“It’s okay, really. Where are you heading to in such a hurry?”   
“I was just going to hang out in the common room and read a book,” Hermione flashed a remorseful smile.   
“Oh, must be a really good book then,” Neville concluded as he eyed Hermione as a moment of silence filled the air.   
“Are you okay Hermione? You look like you’ve been crying,”   
“Oh yeah, it’s just the dry air in the castle, I just put some eye drops in,” Hermione lied as she dabbed her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. Neville looked at her curiously.  
“It’s a muggle thing that you put in your eyes when your eyes dry out. I must look like a hot mess,”  
“No, no, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that's all,”   
“I’m fine thanks, Neville,” Hermione paused a moment to rearrange herself before she spoke again.  
"How is apprenticing under Professor Sprout?” Hermione smiled as she changed the subject.   
“Uh, it's good,” Neville sucked in his breath and smiled as if he was then caught off gaurd.   
“She has always been fond of you, you know. I think it’s good that you found something that you‘re passionate about,”   
“Yeah, it’s nice. How about you? You know what you want to do after you graduate?”   
“No, I mean... I think I’m going to travel a bit after I graduate, but as a career, I’m not sure what I want to do,” Hermione chewed on her lip as she pulled her eyes to the window and looked at the sun starting to set.   
“I think you will be good at whatever you choose to do,” Neville nodded as he too looked out the window.   
More minutes crept by before Neville spoke again.  
“I know you‘re not okay Hermione,”   
“I really am fine Neville, just a long day that is all,” Hermione shrugged.   
“Well, I can at least walk you to the Gryffindor tower, least I can do,”   
“That’s sweet of you, thank you,” Hermione smiled.   
“I keep forgetting you’re no longer a fellow student, though it was nice to see you and Luna hanging out today,” Hermione shook her head in disbelief.  
“I know, I sometimes I have to remind myself to eat at the staff table and not at the Gryffindor table. The professors are different too, they are all great people,” Neville laughed as the two friends slowly walked down the hall towards the tower.   
“All of them?” Hermione prodded.   
“Yeah, even Severus is not that bad,” Neville said in amazement.   
“Maybe I should be the one asking if you’re okay,” Hermione challenged.   
Neville chuckled as he tucked his hands into his front pockets, “It’s true! Even had a couple of drinks with Minerva, she actually becomes a different person once she has a couple of glasses of fire whiskey in her,”   
“That, is something I would need to see, what’s she like?”   
“Oh you know," Neville paused and looked over at Hermione with a huge grin. "Giggly,” Neville snorted. “She actually has a couple of cigarettes when she drinks and if you get Pomona, Severus and Rolanda in the same room together they all kind of just turn into normal, friendly people. Like, they are all really good friends, y’ know? They tease Prof- I mean Severus non-stop too, it’s funny to watch,” Hermione and Neville then began to cackle like schoolgirls as they climbed up moving stairs.    
“Merlin, that sounds like a good time, I’m so happy you’re fitting in with everyone,” Hermione sighed as she found herself unable to shake the image of Professor McGonagall having giggle fits while puffing on a cigarette.  
“I probably shouldn’t have told you that, but, it's good to see you smile again,”   
“Well, I mean, I never would have imagined what our professors would be like when they are drunk, but I won’t tell a soul, I swear,”   
“Maybe you should become a professor yourself, spots that have been filled are just temporary anyway,” Neville shrugged.   
“Yeah, okay,” Hermione snorted as she rolled her eyes.   
 “I’m serious, you have the brains, and if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have passed potions,”   
Hermione rolled her eyes again as she shook her head in disbelief.   
“You seemed to do just fine without me on your last year,” Hermione challenged as a crooked smile spread on her face. “You have to give yourself some credit Neville, you are capable of many things,” Hermione elbowed Neville in the ribs as he looked over at Hermione with a cheeky smile.   
As they reached the fat lady in the portrait Hermione turned around to look at her good old friend, at least out of everyone else he didn’t hover.  
“Thank you, Neville, for making my day, it actually was complete shit, but you kind of turned it around,”   
“Anytime ‘Mione,” Neville took his hands out of his pocket as Hermione gave him a quick hug and kissed him on the cheek.   
“You take care of yourself Neville,” Hermione flashed him a sincere smile.   
“I will, I will be okay. I think I have found peace with everything now,“ Neville nodded with a small twitch of a smile on his lips.  
“Good, at least that makes one of us,” Hermione shrugged as she turned herself towards the portrait and muttered the password as the door opened up before her.  
“Hermione?”   
Hermione looked back at Nevilles soft brown eyes as he wore a questionable expression on his face.   
“Promise you will try to take care of yourself too okay?”   
Hermione nodded and flashed another smile, “Goodnight Neville,”    
“See you,”   
“See you,” Hermione turned around and continued to make her way to the Gryffindor common room. 

###### 

Hermione woke up that following Monday morning and crept out of the bunk to get ready for classes. Grabbing her school robes, towels and toiletries as she made her way down to the girls' showers until she stopped as she heard a noise that sounded like whispering and quiet sobs in the common room. Hermione quietly tiptoed her way to the common room to find Ginny, Luna and a few other students sitting on the couch and floor in front of the fireplace. Hermione paused as she watched Luna burst out into tears and sob into Ginnys’ neck. 

“Luna?” Hermione took a few cautious steps towards the couch.   
“Hermione,” Ginny gasped as she shot up from the couch and ran to hug Hermione.   
“Ginny, what's going on? Are you okay?” Hermione put her arm around the shaking redhead and looked up to see Lunas’ face buried into her hands. Hermione dropped her items and put her other hand on the back of Ginnys’ head. Something happened, and Hermione had a bad feeling that someone was either dead or badly injured. Hermione pulled her arms away from Ginny and pushed her back to take a good look at the sobbing girl in front of her. Ruby red nose, blotchy skin and streaks of stranded hair stuck to her face from all the tears.  
“Ginny I need you to tell me what happened. Is it Ron?" Hermiones voice cracked as Ginny shook her head.  
"Is it Harry? Is he hurt?" Ginny once again shook her head furiously.  
"Then who is it? What's wrong?" Hermione felt herself panic till a small voice spoke up.  
“It’s Neville,” Luna got up and walked towards Hermione with an envelope in her hands.   
Hermiones stomach dropped as her brows knit together as she looked around to see all the tearful eyes and hidden faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to step away for a little while. Lately things have been really hard for me. Physically I am doing great, but mentally and emotionally I'm all over the map. Bean is doing great! In just a few short days I will officially be in my third trimester. Also, we found out we're having a little boy! 
> 
> I have been reading all I can about pregnancy and dealing with upcoming beauty of childbirth (eyeroll) - I'm basically trying to learn all I can on how to deal with what is to come and learning... what is going to happen. I know its going to be tough..I've also recently gotten a job that not only is stressful but.. exhausting. Super negative atmosphere with impossible stupid standards everyone has to live up to, and everyone hates their job there... and it kind of.. brings me down. But hopefully in July I can go on mat leave and leave that all behind me. I can picture myself walking out with my middle finger in the air while saying (in my head) see you later fuckers! (Imature I know, buuuut they suck bags of dicks - you can actually anonymously send those... I found a website that will do it for you too....just google it.. ehem) Lets just say, husbands not letting me go back there to work when my mat leave is up. I'll find a better job when I'm not 6 months knocked up. XD
> 
> I hope you guys are all doing well. May is Mental Health awareness month.. so be sure to take care of yourselves. Check up on those friends you know that struggle... but make sure you are okay first and if you ever need to talk you can get ahold of me through my tumblr or instagram which I have posted in the previous chapter. Don't be a stranger. 
> 
> With that.. I do hope to get myself back onto a writing schedule..I have been going back here and there and editing chapters.. some are so cringy it makes me want to cry XD. But as of lately its been hard to do anything I enjoy. I think after I got a review that literally ripped this story to shreds I really didn't want to write anymore because it made me feel even more insecure. (review is not in the comments..got through something else) But I had to find my safety in writing again... and it may take sometime but .. I'll get there! I really don't mind criticismat all, it has helped me learn more about writing and how to be better.. if anything I encourage it.. I just think when one takes everything you have written and makes you feel like complete shit and makes you never want to never write again.. they are going about it the wrong way...and they have failed as a critic. Buuut that's just me.. *shrugs* 
> 
>  
> 
> Please let me know what your thoughts are on this chapter.. I do think Draco is a bit of a little shit.. but when hasn't he? Peace out savages - make good choices. And if you can't.. then make fun ones atleast. 
> 
> And, I will be going back to edit this chapter.. I'm sure there are some screw ups somewhere.. I sorry.  
>  _-Peaches & Tea_


	12. Desolate

Memories of Neville crawled around in Hermiones’ head as the words that were spoken left her mind in a desolate state. Neville, the boy who sat beside her on the train. Her first friend from Hogwarts. The one who bravely slain Nagini. The boy who thrived in herbology and charms. The awkward round-faced boy…  
“He’s dead, Hermione,” is what she said.   
It was as if her head was a hollow cave. The words echoed in her head. 

No, she saw him last night. He walked her to the tower. She kissed him on the cheek and both of them said goodbye. He seemed to be doing well how is it that he could be dead? _'Gods, I’m such an idiot.. he obviously was not FINE,’_ Hermione raged. 

**_He's dead, Hermione._ **

No one had answers of how he died… the only answer she had was that he left goodbye letters behind for all his friends before he… which means…no. 

**_He's dead, Hermione._ **

Hermione tried to swallow her tears as she stood in the Gryffindor common room as she watched Ginny shake with tears on the floor at her feet with Luna. Both were rocking each other trying to soothe the pain, rock away the heaviness built up in their hearts. 

**_He's dead._ **

No. This had to be some sort of sick, twisted joke. She had to have been dreaming this all up. All she had to do was wake up and all of this would just be another bad dream. Hermione took in a deep breath as she held the envelope in her trembling hands. A fleeting moment passed as she considered opening the letter but couldn’t bring herself to open it. She swallowed her pride as she came face to face with the truth that she was afraid of what they had said was true after all. 

 ** _“Promise you will try to take care of yourself too okay?”_** Nevilles' soft brown eyes flickered in her mind.

 _‘Some brave Gryffindor I am,’_ Hermione seethed.  
   
If he truly wrote everyone letters… did that mean yesterday was his way of saying goodbye? No.. no this was a joke. Hermione clutched onto the letter and breathed out with an uneven breath as she stepped over Luna and Ginny. She didn’t know if anyone tried to stop her or if anyone had said anything...All she knew is that at that moment everything turned into a haze, yet the moment was so sobering that she wished that this was all just a dream.

**_He's dead._ **

Making her way out the common room. Hermione knew this had to have been a misunderstanding, obviously, someone had a disturbing sense of humor and all she had to do is talk to Professor McGonagall and confirm that it had been a sick joke and this would all blow over. Hermione hoped that once more, her gut feeling wasn’t true. 

_**“You take care of yourself Neville,” Hermione flashed him a sincere smile.  
“I will, I will be okay. I think I have found peace with everything now,“ Neville nodded with a small twitch of a smile on his lips.** _

_'He really is dead. Oh gods,'_

Time stopped as Hermione swiftly snaked down the moving stairs with her bare feet delicately padding on the cold stone ground. Hermiones heart momentarily ceased at the thought of Neville actually being dead. A tear trickled down her cheek as she wrapped her black satin robe tighter around her body, revealing nothing more but the small frame of her body. With her teeth chattering from the crisp morning air, she soon found herself pounding on a familiar door and crumbling beneath the weight of emotions as if they had dashed her into a billion pieces. 

_**“I think I have found peace with everything now,“** _

Hermione replayed the small smile he gave her after he said those words. She almost fell to her knees with a sob until the door swung open by a dreadful pair of liquid midnight eyes. She could feel his eyes rake over her trembling and frail version of her person. 

“Who is it dear?” A quiet voice asked as Professor Sprout visibly pushed aside Snape to find a teary doe-eyed Gryffindor standing in the door entrance. Professor McGonagall shortly appeared behind the elder Hufflepuff.   
“Miss Granger,” McGonagall muttered with a surprise, as she too was still dressed in her pajamas and had her hair down.   
“What are you doing up at this time child?” she pressed the student.   
“As it would seem, students are stirring from their stupor,” a baritone voice droned as McGonagall sighed.  
“Wheres Neville?” Hermione interceded as she looked up at the Headmistress with watery eyes and a swollen bottom lip.  
McGonagalls’ jaw fell open as she clenched her chest with her hand and looked over at her colleagues and looked back at her cub with a heavy gaze. She took one last glance at the student before she turned her head and rubbed the bridge of her nose and let out an exasperated sigh.   
“Luna is in the tower saying he is dead and handing out his farewell letters, please tell me this is - that this is some sort of joke or-”  
McGonagall glanced down at Grangers’ hand to see the wrinkled letter in her hand before she began to wipe a stranded tear from her eyes. Turning around to go back into her office, Professor Sprout then put a hand on Hermiones shoulder with a trembling smile.   
“I’m so sorry my dear, perhaps this isn’t a good t-time,” Sprout said in half a whisper with a weak smile. 

**_He's dead._ **

Though she failed to hold her smile and her trembling lip folded into a frown as a tear slid down her cheek. “Not a good time,” Hermione blinked. 

When Sprout didn’t have the words to reply Hermione closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. Her breathing started to become uneven as tears trickled down her cheek.  
“Did he suffer?” Hermiones’ voice cracked.   
“Miss Granger, we’re still investi-”   
“Did he suffer? I’m asking if you know if he suffered,” Hermione couldn’t tell if she was getting angry or if she was shaken from the news of this sudden news.   
_‘How could you do this to us?’_  
“We don’t know dear,” she whispered. Sprout tried to pull Hermione into a hug, but Hermione flinched and pulled away. She shook her head slowly as she let the tears roll down her face.   
“Perhaps one of us should walk you back to-” Hermione cut her off with a sharp turn of her heel and proceeded to walk away from the elder Hufflepuff. Her lips tightened into a bigger frown as she flew down the staircase. If she could leave her emotions behind she would, she would shut herself off. She could always occlude though she knew that even with occluding she could not swallow the truth that was laid before her. She’s only done it a handful of times and knew that if done for a long period, it would lead to some unfavoured side effects. Even though it was too early for the other students to be crawling out of bed, she knew she was indecent enough to be caught wearing a robe that left little to the imagination. _**“I think I have found peace with everything now,“** _ Smearing her tears down her cheeks she made her way to the Gryffindor tower to tuck herself away from the crumbling world around her. 

**_He's dead, Hermione._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review. I will go back and edit if I have missed anything...  
> Sorry this chapter is short.. we are renovating the whole house and getting prepared for baby... super super super busy...and I'm still working so whatever time I do have to myself isn't a lot. I also am a beta for another story..which keeps me out of trouble.. I also made a rule for myself that everytime I post a chapter I go back and edit some of my earlier chapters -which are cringy AF but...whatevers...anyways, I hope all is well for you guys.  
> For updates you can visit me at peachesxandtea.tumblr.com  
> Take care. 
> 
> peachesxandxtea


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